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[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

wish lantern rewrite

I can’t be the only one that wishes we had actually traveled to a new location… that we had learned about a new culture and holiday… that Riddle had actually had more character development in Wish Lantern instead of being cooped up in the library, being forced to play pretend princess in order to get out, and give like maybe a handful of lines max in the second half of the event 😭 What we ended up getting was fun too, but I keep thinking about the missed opportunities and how great this story event could have been.

If Twst won’t give it to me then I will have to cook my own food 😤

Here’s how I would write Wish Lantern if I was in the Twst writing room:

Since Riddle is the SSR, I feel the story and its set-up should center him. I’m thinking maybe he’s invited to (or told by his mother to attend) some kind of conference or event in the Kingdom of Heroes or the Sunshine Lands for aspiring medical mages. Let’s say it is being held in the same place where the story of the Princess in the Tower originated because the Sundrop flower mentioned in the tale has miraculous healing properties (and the city/kingdom has since become known for its medical advances).

Riddle is uneasy about going there by himself (the implication being that this event is set after book 1 and, more specifically after book 6, when Riddle expresses to Azul he has been considering pursuing law instead of magic medicine/the career his mother chose for him). Maybe he mentions this unease around Deuce, that he feels obligated to go because “Mother knows best… She has always known what is best for me, hasn’t she?” It could even be in the library. Say that Riddle is brushing up for the conference and happens to run into him, who is looking for a book to help with completing an assignment. After listening to Riddle’s woes, Deuce, being one of the people who knows about his dorm leader’s complicated feelings toward his mother and finding his own independence, offers to come along as emotional support.

As for how Jack gets involved, he’s Deuce’s club member. Maybe he overhears Riddle talking about sports medicine or panels presented by medical mages who work with athletes, or Deuce mentions it in a club meeting. Jack becomes interested because he’s the type of person that’s always looking for ways to enhance his training and to learn more about this subject.

Kalim can either join because he's conveniently in the library + wants to learn more about poisons and antidotes (on his own self-development journey to be more self-sufficient instead of relying on Jamil all the time) or because the Asims are sponsors of the event and he gets a free invite through his Rich Privilege.

Use the usual "Grim overhears and whines until he and Yuu get invited to go along" excuse or maybe have Yuu and Grim come because they, too, want to be emotional support for Riddle. (They could have heard from Deuce?) With that, we have all of the main characters for this event assembled.

Even though this is a rewrite, I'm going to try and follow the conventions of OTHER "hometown" events. That means most of this rewritten event will be exploring the new area, learning about its customs and traditions, souvenir shopping, and sampling food. This would be a great chance to, of course, throw in Tangled references. Because I proposed that this event be focused on a conference for aspiring medical mages, we can also learn more lore about what medical technology and practices exist in Twisted Wonderland and how magic has played a part in advancing medicine.

So it turns out, there's a festival going on in the area at the same time as the conference. That's because there's a holiday in this kingdom that celebrates the Princess in the Tower finding her way home by following a trail of lanterns. Since the conference doesn't start until the next day, we can go out and enjoy the festivities! (Riddle can be hesitant at first, but the others convince him to loosen up.)

The new outfits + hair can be explained away as part of local traditions. Everyone is provided with a potion that lengthens their hair so they can emulate the Princess in the Tower. Or maybe there can be a potion-making station, and length still correlates with the skill at which you were able to brew it. (In this version, the hair lengthening potion isn't made with super rare ingredients; it is something easily accessible for even non-mages to brew and can be made cheaply.) YES, THAT MEANS WE GET LONG HAIR GRIM.

Local specialties could include dishes mentioned or depicted in Tangled, like hazelnut soup (Rapunzel's favorite).

HERE ARE SOME CUTE INTERACTION IDEAS BASED ON RAPUNZEL'S OWN EXPERIENCES IN CORONA: the gang doing chalk drawings and clowning on each other's artistic abilities (or lack thereof), trying out cupcakes (the reasoning being that they're "single servings" so it's okay for Riddle to indulge), exploring bookshops, painting on the walls, and everyone joining in a big group dance! (For the dance, maybe there’s a competition to see who can drag in the most bystanders into the dance and Riddle gradually finds his footing in that + is crowned the winner?) There could even be a tavern that pays homage to The Snuggly Duckling.

While we're out having fun, there should be a consistent pattern of Riddle having to be convinced that it's okay to be participating in these activities. He feels that he should be focusing on studying for the conference, but the others are there to reassure him it's okay to take breathers.

"You won't perform at your best if you're always at 100%. In terms of a workout, you'd be asking to pull a muscle if you push yourself to exercise without end." (Jack)

"Mmm? But how often are we going to be in [name of city]? We're here now, so we might as well experience everything that's here!! The food, the music, the games, the people... You can't find that anywhere but here." (Kalim)

"I get the importance of preparation, but I'm kind of curious about the celebration that's going on. If Rosehearts-senpai wants to study, then he should do that. I'd feel bad exploring the city without him, though... He might miss out." (Deuce)

"Shouldn't you at least grab some grub first? I'm pretty hungry too! Let's check out the food stalls!" (Grim, maybe Yuu can also get a dialogue option)

At some point, the group decides to browse and buy souvenirs. They discuss who they are shopping for and come upon the subject of family. Kalim and Jack want to buy stuff for their siblings and Deuce thinks his mom might appreciate a locally made handkerchief with the kingdom's sun emblem on it. (As a trucker, Dylla often drives for long hours so she might find use in a handkerchief to wipe her forehead.) Yuu and Grim can also bring up potentially getting something for the Ramshackle Ghosts, who are like their found family.

Riddle becomes visibly uncomfortable when the topic of family is brought up. Everyone else sounds so happy talking about theirs, but he has no idea what a happy family is supposed to be like. Deuce (and maybe Yuu + Grim too) realizes why Riddle is uncomfortable and quickly apologize. Kalim and Jack, who aren't familiar with Riddle's background or his attempts to speak with his mother over winter break, are a little confused but the others feel it's not their place to explain why and Riddle doesn't know them well enough to elaborate on personal matters. (Here, Jack and Kalim serve as an in-universe reason to keep his family history vague so as to not spoil people who haven't gotten that far in the main story yet, but the awkwardness is palpable enough to imply something is wrong to serve the narrative of the event story.)

Now, "hometown" events tend to introduce a new character, typically a family member, to us. However, the new characters are not those who appear as the "trauma source" for the respective OB boy. (For example, Falena was not the character introduced to us in Tamashina Mina/Cloudcalling on the Savanna and we met Kifaji instead.) Following this trend, we will not be encountering Mrs. Rosehearts but rather MR. Rosehearts.

I realize that we don't have a ton of lore about Riddle's dad yet so everything I write about his personality is completely headcanon (primarily based on the personality of the King of Hearts). The only things that are canon in this depiction is that 1) Mr. Rosehearts is a medical mage like his wife is and 2) Mr. Rosehearts does not have a happy marriage with his wife.

Anyway, we run into Mr. Rosehearts out in the city. Turns out that he is one of the presenters at the conference and he was supposed to meet and receive Riddle. He's a quiet and slightly anxious man but overall is kind to his son (though we should get the impression that Mr. Rosehearts isn't good with confrontation and folds easily).

Maybe have a part where Mr. Rosehearts is surprised that Riddle has friends because uh... the last time he recalls his son having friends, it was because his wife ranted at them for 5 hours and banned them from their home. But hey, he's chill about it and promises Riddle this can stay between them and he won't tell his mom. Could insert a line or two that implies that the winter break talk didn't go over well. (This is just my headcanon, but you could also stick in a line that insinuates that the Rosehearts parents don't just outright divorce because Riddle's mom can't deal with the potential social fallout + realizing that she is "wrong" in her marriage.)

Every "hometown" event thus far has presented us with some kind of minor external conflict to be resolved. In this case, Riddle's conflict is more internal. He's wrestling with what he wants to do with his future and trying to cope with the reality that his mother isn't the loving, "always correct" woman he thought she was. This, of course, mirrors Rapunzel's struggle with Mother Gothel, who tries to keep her in the tower and doing as she commands.

We finally make our way to our quarters for the night (Riddle has his own room; everyone else has to share one), perhaps in tall tower to mimic Rapunzel's home with Gothel. Riddle knows he should retire early because the conference is first thing tomorrow, but he admits to everyone that after spending time in the city, he has become curious about the tradition of releasing thousands of wish lanterns into the night sky. It happens pretty late in the day though, so he brushes it off and says they should sleep.

... But the others get really hype about Riddle "finally getting into the spirit of the holiday" and decide they should see the lanterns!! The only problem is, Riddle is locked in his hotel room for the night. There could be a local superstition, tradition, or security reason for this. Like maybe due to the story of the Princess in the Tower (and Gothel locking her up), people who are indoors at a certain time of night can't leave until the next day?? Or maybe Mrs. Rosehearts had prepared Riddle's room for him in advance and instructed staff to ensure he doesn't leave because she has been paranoid about him "breaking the rules" again after the tart incident. I don't know, pick your reason.

YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS??? It's time for Jack, Deuce, Kalim, Grim, and Yuu to be Riddle's Flynn Rider + animal companions to break Riddle out. Our group represents the freedom and childhood wonders Riddle missed out on, the antithesis to Mrs. Rosehearts'/Mother Gothel's control. I can see Riddle using his long hair to hoist himself down, Jack using his UM to help everyone race to the water in time to catch the lanterns, Deuce being the muscle if they run into any thugs, Kalim using his social skills to quickly befriend the locals and ask for directions to the best vantage point or using his $$$ to rent the group a rowboat, etc.

We can keep the rhythmic/twistune from the original version of this event where Kalim, Deuce, and Jack were able to safely descend using Riddle’s hair but Riddle hesitates before he’s able to get himself to follow. The reason is the same; he worries about breaking the rules and how his mother would disapprove of him leaving the home. Riddle wonders if the Princess in the Tower felt the same, but ultimately his friends convince him it’s fine (by baiting him with the rules). He will be trapped in this tower forever if he doesn’t summon his strength and take the leap. If not now, then when? When will my life begin? “There are people waiting for me outside, so… it must be okay for me to leave. Right… Mother?”

Riddle keeps nagging everyone about how many rules and social norms they're breaking, but eventually he loosens up and even laughs a little at some of the dumb things they do. We can maybe have him thinking, This is just like… and then flashback to his childhood days with Trey and Chenya.

They're out on the waters just in time to see the lanterns being released. Alternatively, the even runners could be having trouble lighting up all the lanterns or something so Riddle has the opportunity to help with that (this way, we’d still get the other rhythmic/twistune featured in the original event). That particular rhythmic/twistune ends on Riddle with five lanterns floating overhead, which I think could be important symbolism (five lanterns -> five mentions of Heartslabyul).

It's beautiful. Everyone oohs and aahs at the sight--most of all, Riddle. He can say something like... "This city is known for its many contributions to magic medicine. I know that, and yet... I don't believe any magic or medicine could replicate what I am feeling in this very moment." There is some part of Riddle that acknowledges the healing and therapeutic properties of just... being allowed to have freedom, of allowing himself to live in the present and not stress about the rules or gearing up for a future someone else has decided for him all the time. He just doesn't know how to fully verbalize it + has not fully come to terms with it yet, so this is how he expresses it. At last, he sees the light.

While the new location they travel to + the conference provide us with the backdrop of medicine and health for this rewrite, I think there’s also something to be implied about the injuries we don’t see, the pain inflicted that isn’t physical. Both Riddle and Rapunzel were trapped in towers but were also emotionally controlled and prevented from leaving/made scared or the world and disobeying their mothers. When Riddle sees the lanterns, it’s sort of a “wake up” sign to his soul, a reminder of how healing it can be to just… live by one’s own terms, to not be ruled over by fear of disappointing someone else or failing to meet expectations. Rapunzel and Riddle bear scars on their heart from having been raised in the households that they were, and it is seeing the lanterns in-person that helps to “heal” what hurts them.

Riddle recalls the story of the Princess in the Tower and how she made a wish to see the lanterns, so now people make wishes upon these lanterns before releasing them into the sky. He lets go of his own lantern and wishes that, someday, he can be like the Princess in the Tower and this lantern floating up to the sky… and follow his own Road to Freedom.

Everyone sneaks back into their rooms and rest for the day. Uhhh, and there can be a scene of slicing off their hair for tomorrow. Riddle can talk about how the Princess grew her hair long because her mother told her to, but that it must have been cumbersome to walk like this. This way, by cutting off the hair like how the Princess does at the end of her story, it's a liberating act.

It doesn't matter what happens at the conference because what was important was the experiences Riddle had with his friends leading up to it. At most, maybe we see Mr. Rosehearts again while heading to the venue and they have a brief exchange where Riddle lets it slip he's a little tired. "That's so unlike you," Mr. Rosehearts remarks. "Well," Riddle replies with a small smile, "I am a growing young man, after all. I am changing every day."

I want to be clear that this does NOT mean Riddle has had a full character arc to come to terms with how he was raised. He would NOT feel 100% okay with rebelling against his mother by the end of this (hypothetical) event. The point of my version of Wish Lantern isn't to empower Riddle to fistfight Mrs. Rosehearts or to tell her off. The point is that it's supposed to be a small step in helping Riddle through the very complicated process of recognizing he was traumatized and/or abused, accepting that reality, and learning about how he can grow from it and his abuser (who is someone he thought he loved and could trust). This can take YEARS to process in the real world, and it would probably be similar to Riddle. Again, this is meant to be a SINGLE STEP he takes, NOT THE ENTIRE JOURNEY.

So in my rewrite, the event would be split up like this:

Episode 1: invitation to the event; gathering all the relevant characters, hopping through the mirror

Episode 2: arrival in the new location and having fun in the area

Episode 3: souvenir shopping, meeting Riddle's dad

Episode 4: retiring to room, changing mind and deciding to break out instead

Episode 5: seeing the lights, ending

As you can see, the structure is very similar to a traditional "hometown" event. I didn't want to stray too far from Twst's usual writing conventions, as it could mess with the cohesion with the rest of its story events. I did, however, try to change things up a little (like having an internal conflict instead of an external one) and tied in this (hypothetical) story with Riddle's overarching character development, as those are elements that I personally prefer in a story. I realize that the biggest change here is tying my rewrite much more strongly to the main story than similar events have 💦 BUT LET ME HAVE THIS, I think I cooked 😭

... What Wish Lantern could have been OTL Don’t get me wrong, though!! The version we did get wasn’t all bad. There was lore about the NRC library, lots of involvement from the staff, and fun character interactions with the whole student cast. I just feel like those could have all been used for a different event and not the Tangled one which could have been so much more interesting for Riddle and his character.

[valdotjpg]

!!!

"[...]Trying to replace those songs feels like breaking into somebody's house and pasting your face into their family photo album. But, Mortis asked me if I was interested, and, given that his game really inspired me, and he's a super nice guy... I decided I would try my best to help. To ensure that new players, even if they didn't get the exact same experience, would get a pretty cool one. I ended up handling a lot of boss tracks. I attempted to match the game's "style" by aiming for idiosyncrasy and atmosphere over everything else. I think the results are pretty cool. I also was assigned... the normal battle theme. I'm gonna be honest, just feels like I got assigned to take a bullet in the back for everybody else. I looked up almost every jazz song from the 1920s, I commissioned Carlos to make an entire fake jazz song for me so I could cut it up into samples, I tried making like 6 entirely different songs, but nothing I could come up with on my own felt quite right. In the end, I summoned Camellia to help me out by re-remixing my first track into multiple versions, and so ultimately I think it will feel pretty cool as you go through the game. (But, I'll be the first to say that I can't replace your memories...) By the way, I did the music for free, and I'll upload my tracks for free after the game comes out. Personally, I don't think the original music is replaceable, so I want to treat what I made like "fanmusic", made just out of love and respect for the original." -Toby Fox

[namism]

deceiver | hange zoë

➳ categories: canonverse, commander hange, female squad leader reader, fluff, yelena loves women (don't ask)

➳ word count: 4.3k

➳ summary: It's normal for soldiers to be happily married, but when it comes to your marriage with Commander Hange Zoë, the entire regiment doesn't believe it.

➳ notes: for reference, this is wim and this is holger. also, i like to imagine that spouse hange simps for you so much that they ended up assigning you as the new squad leader of the fourth squad lmaooo

➳ cross-posted on ao3

"There you are!"

You turn around to see Hange enter the office and shut the door promptly with a loud thud. You flinch upon the sound. Curious as to what you’re up to, the Commander strides toward your station, where rows of microscopic slides sit for preparation.

Standing behind you, Hange rests their chin on your right shoulder and hugs your waist loosely. They watch you place a cover slip on a wet sample.

They hum.

"Just seven minutes ago, your squad was looking for you at the dining hall, which led me to think, 'Hmm… what could my beautiful wife be up to on this fine afternoon?'" You roll your eyes, snickering. "I would have never guessed that she'd be scholarly working at my office when she could've worked at hers."

"Oh, Hange," you say with a shake of your head. "Who am I to pass up on the opportunity of working at a larger space during my free time?"

You pipette a drop of infusion to a new slide.

"I admit it's messier here, but the Commander always has nicer things, and I happen to be married to them."

Hange pinches your cheek before kissing it.

"Ha-ha, cheeky. That's why you’re my wife."

Hange leaves you to your devices and walks around their desk. They pour themselves a glass of water before looking out the window. They watch a pair of new recruits walking in the quadrangle.

Hange smiles to themselves. The sight reminds them of when you first met, back when you couldn't even stand within three feet from them out of embarrassment. Hange was from the graduating class two years above you, and by the time you joined the Scouts, they had already earned their spot in the regiment's chain of command.

"What are you thinking of?" You appear beside them, having left your work on the counter. Hange giggles and points at the two suspecting love birds in the courtyard below. "Ah. From the 107th?"

"Yep! Looks like us, huh?"

You snorted.

"No way. They don't even seem to talk to each other. You, on the other hand"—you elbow Hange gently—"ran your mouth all day long until my ear fell off."

"You loved listening to me talk!" Hange retorts. You look at them, unamused. "Alright, I might have annoyed you at first, but you secretly loved having me around."

"Unfortunately, I did," you say with a sigh. Hange pats your head, laughing to themselves.

Suddenly, a knock sounds on the door. Hange orders them to enter.

"Commander!" A soldier from the 106th Training Corps calls with a salute. “Captain Levi requests to see you.”

Patting your head turns into combing your hair. Hange continues the endearing action as they raise an eyebrow at the soldier.

“About what?”

“About a prospective meeting with General Zackly, sir.”

“I’ll be there in a few.”

The soldier salutes again. Before leaving, he sees the Commander tell you something before kissing you on the lips. When the Commander looks back at the door to see him still standing there, he runs out in a hurry and shuts the door sheepishly.

Scurrying away from the scene, he runs into a friend.

“Hey, Holger,” the soldier greets. He looks at Holger worriedly as if he’s seen a ghost. “You okay, man?”

“Yeah, Wim,” he replies. He looks over his shoulder, gawking at the hallway he just came from, the one leading to the Commander’s office. “I was wondering…”

Wim squints his eyes at Holger’s mumbling. He tilts his head to the side.

“I can’t hear you.”

“I was wondering…” Holger mumbles the other half of the sentence.

“I still can’t hear you.”

Holger steps forward. Wim follows. Leaning closer to his friend, Holger whispers into his ear.

"I was wondering, is the Commander seeing someone? Maybe one of us, the Scouts?"

Wim is taken aback.

"How would I know that?"

"Because!" Holger hisses. He takes a cautious look over his shoulder to make sure that no one else is around before proceeding. "The Commander... They were with the Squad Leader of the Fourth Squad when I entered their office."

"Hmm..." Wim thinks to himself, rubbing his chin. "Why would you suspect a relationship over that?"

"Because the Commander kissed her!"

Wim's eyes widen. He stands there speechless, but he communicates with Holger through his eyes, asking for an affirmative answer to a question he never spoke: "Are you telling the truth?"

Suddenly, you emerge from the end of the hallway, humming a melodic tune as you flip through the yellowing pages of a book. The two soldiers stand there, unmoving. They cannot run to save themselves.

"Why, hello there," you greet with a sweet smile upon passing them. You close the book. "Do you need anything?"

They salute. Holger shakes his head.

"No, Ma'am! We were on our way."

You nod.

"Great! Because trust me, you don't want the Commander finding you dilly-dallying in the hallway of their office." You laugh lightheartedly, but Wim and Holger can't find it in them to laugh along as they fear their superior more than anything. "Anyway, off you go, and have a nice day, you two!"

As you walk along your merry way, the two soldiers look at each other dumbfounded before tending back to their duties.

Locomotives are great Marleyan inventions.

It turns out that locomotory wheels are conical in shape to avoid derailment when the tracks turn at a certain point. Connie remembers Armin mentioning something about centrifugal force, a concept he doesn’t understand enough to engage in intellectual discussion, but something he wants to ponder on to find out if it's worth learning in order to build the tracks from the Walls to the harbor.

The last time he checked, he doesn't really need to account for "centrifugal force" when laying steel on the ground. Connie may not be as intelligent as Armin, but he can understand that far. So really, he doesn't understand the need for Armin to ramble about "centrifugal force" under this scorching heat.

Mikasa hauls ultrahard steel from the cart to the end of the track. As she works on the welding, Armin chases Sasha around who has called dibs on the last pint of water. Connie and Jean curse behind Eren's back for suggesting they work on the railway instead of the new recruits who probably have nothing better to do.

Connie wipes the sweat off his forehead. Catching his breath, he decides to slack off for a few minutes. He watches Jean defeatedly sit on the ground panting, his fedora hat shielding his face from the sun.

Connie snickers. He finds the fedora hat on Jean funny. He looks like a rich snobby civilian from Wall Sheena.

To his left, Mikasa lays the blocks of steel neatly on the railway. Connie notices the scar she got from the Battle of Trost four years ago and the bandaging around her right arm that covers a tattoo of the Azumabito's crest.

Everyone has tiny details of themselves that normally go unnoticed, it seems.

As Connie wonders what his would be, he hears the clopping of hooves from the distance, followed by you, Hange, and Levi on horseback.

Connie helps Jean back up and they form a circle around the new arrivals.

"Ah! Working hard under the sun, I see?" Hange teases the group while Jean complains. You laugh beside them, bringing your left hand to cover your mouth. Connie notices.

"Since when did you guys get so tall?" Levi clicks his tongue, peering up at him with an irked expression. Connie continues to stare.

He doesn't know if he's seeing things correctly. For all he knows, it could be the heat messing with his brain. On your left ring finger, however, sits a metal band with a sparkling stone on its bed. Even as you put your hand down, Connie ponders on this discovery and zones out for the entirety of Hange's chattering.

He only manages to hear they cannot count on Hizuru to negotiate with other nations before staring at your hand like a creep. No one seems to notice his gawking, though, because he gets lost in his thoughts for a solid minute.

The last time he checked, you didn't wear a wedding ring, and you weren't into wearing jewelry at all for the fear of losing them at work. Although Connie isn't your closest friend, he believes he would have never missed out on this very important information about your life, given that you have survived many battles together along with the crew.

"...The world can't see our faces. Why would they ever trust us?" Connie snaps out of his thoughts and watches Hange throw their hands out. "So... let's meet them ourselves. If they don't understand who we are, we just have to teach them."

Meet them ourselves? Connie thinks to himself. We're going outside?

As the others reflect on the idea, Connie thinks of what he would do and should do upon arrival at the Marleyan mainland. He once again zones out, now staring at Hange as he does so.

Wait, what's that?

Closing his eyes, he shakes his head. Beams of sunlight bounce off Hange as they wave their hands around while speaking.

He narrows his eyes. Hange stops moving. They drop their hands to their side.

He sees it.

A metal band fits perfectly on their left ring finger, slightly different from yours in design, but too similar to conclude one thing.

Hange and (Y/N) are married?!

Connie looks into the distance, wide-eyed. He begins to rack his brain for clues, idle instances and memories that could have hinted at your relationship.

He focuses too much on his searching that he doesn't even notice you, Hange, and Levi retreating to the Walls and leaving him and the squad once more.

It must have been the heat yet again when he sees Hange put a discrete hand on your waist as you pass them on horseback.

Ever since the formation of an alliance with Paradis military, Onyankopon has been running around non-stop with Yelena to speak for the Anti-Marleyan volunteers. As expected, he rarely gets a day off without running into trouble, but when he does, he makes sure to enjoy it all by the ocean, where the Marleyan chefs have set up a dine-in food service by the dock.

He's sharing a table with Yelena when he hears a familiar voice fast approaching. His face lights up.

"Hange!" he greets the Commander with his hands up in the air. Hange sits on the chair beside him. "What have you come here for?"

"I ran an errand nearby, so I decided to come." Hange waves at one of the Marleyan chefs and shouts their order. The chef nods silently, his anger for the island devils long gone. "What are you up to?"

"I was thinking of some improvements for the gear you use to move around." Onyankopon hums, thinking if it would be a good idea to bring it up now. "Although that could be a discussion for another day."

"I would love to hear it!" Hange looks at the blonde woman sitting across them. "What about you? I take it that you've explored the island by how much work you've been doing."

"Unfortunately, nobody can beat the Commander in that sport," Yelena replies. Hange laughs bitterly. "I've been doing well, thank you very much. The people at Shiganshina are surprisingly welcoming, but I prefer the ones at Wall Sheena much more."

Yelena sips on the green tea in front of her. Hange stares blankly.

"O-oh! I'm guessing it's the weather or the district architecture?" they assume. Yelena shakes her head.

"While I fancy those things, I believe Wall Sheena has much more interesting… women. Some of them I eye particularly," Yelena remarks. "Has that ever happened to you, Commander?"

"W-well," Hange stutters, unsure of what to say, "no, it hasn't."

"Oh." Yelena smirks, placing her chin on top of her hand as she leans forward, studying Hange. Suddenly, she looks at their left hand intently, making them follow the direction of her stare. "Then what could possibly explain the new band on your finger if it weren't for a charming man who sought after you in the richer districts?"

Hange mentally sighs. They roll their eyes inside their head.

Onyankopon clears his throat.

"I believe I should stay out of this," he says, leaning back on the chair.

"It's alright. This is just small talk," Hange reassures him by giving a joyful response. They look back at Yelena. "Anyway, I find the outer districts more homey than the inner ones, but to each their own. I would have to correct you on two things, though. First of all, I was never sought after. I chase."

Yelena tilts her head to the side, intrigued. It seems very Hange-like to busy themselves chasing after people.

"And the second one?"

As soon as the food arrives, Hange grabs the big glass of water and downs half of it in one go.

"I have never felt interest for a man. Surprising?"

Yelena chuckles.

"Right, I should have detected it that far. No, it isn’t surprising," says the blonde. "I find women endearing as well. I apologize for my assumptions."

"I apologize, too." Onyankopon bows his head in guilt albeit being a spectator. Hange waves their hand to dismiss them.

"That's one lucky woman, I would say. It isn't often that you meet and marry a Commander," Yelena continues. Hange doesn't know how to feel about her persistence, but they've observed Yelena to be very persistent over the past two years. Her nagging is expected. "So? If she doesn't live in the inner Walls and the Commander doesn't have the time to roam civilian grounds... do we know her?"

Hange saw this coming. They knew Yelena would be able to deduce that far.

Instead of a proper response, they shrug.

"No idea, but as perfect as she is, I can tell you that you wouldn't get along well." Hange looks at Yelena's plate, steaming with food. "She would pick at your food if she had your meal, then she would give me the rest."

Hange invites Onyankopon to take the first bite and they begin to dine. Yelena is left laughing at herself.

"You got me, Commander Hange. I'm sure she is beautiful like the ones I'm fond of from your regiment."

"Of course she is."

As Onyankopon shifts the subject into something else, Yelena eats her food piecemeal, thinking of the mysterious identity of the Commander's wife. You must be a soldier yourself, but Yelena hasn't noticed anything out of the ordinary from the many people Hange surrounds themselves with. Yelena can usually tell when people are together thanks to her keen eye. It should be generally easier to find out who you are since there isn't a lot of women Hange is associated with, but her radar is still deeply challenged.

She shrugs. She'll figure it out in time.

Months later, the new gear comes in.

You open your trunk. As expected, the gear is similar to that of the Anti-Personnel Control Squad's. The main components of the vertical maneuvering gear are still there, save for the blade compartment replaced by single-use cartridges and pistols. The gas cylinder is wider than the ones from the previous gear, now attached to two axles strapped to the back harness.

You look to your right. Mikasa's equipment is missing the set of firearms in favor of blades. She stares at her trunk.

"We need you at the forefront in attacking the intelligent Titans," Levi speaks behind her. "No use in giving you stupid pistols. You can kill humans even with blades."

Mikasa nods. You look at your gear once more. No blades, just pistols.

"I'm guessing this makes me in charge of the human killing?"

Levi thinks to himself.

"Not quite."

You knit your eyebrows.

"Hange has other plans for you. Ask them."

Later that day, the Scouts are ordered to try on their gear and practice zipping around the Forest of Giant Trees to get accustomed to them. You and your squad watch as Mikasa flies around, flawlessly carrying four Thunder Spears on each arm.

A hand rests on your shoulder. You look behind you to find Hange in the new gear and the complementary black suit, their oval glasses replaced by goggles. You nod to your squad and they disperse promptly, leaving you and Hange alone.

"Looks like you've done it again, Commander. At long last, there are no major issues with the gear."

They sneer.

"It wouldn't be possible without the Anti-Marleyan volunteers. I owe half of it to them." They examine you in your uniform, eyes scanning your entire body like they haven't just done so a couple of minutes ago. "That sure suits you. Have you gone around?"

"No, actually," you tell them after muttering a shy 'thank you'. Suddenly, you place your hands on your hips as you remember something. "Hey, wait a second. Why don"t I have blades in my trunk? Are we not letting the Fourth Squad attack?"

Hange looks at you, unsurprised, as if they expected such a question.

"I need you to stay on the airship as backup," they reason.

You look at them dubiously.

"Just me?"

"And your squad."

You shake your head.

"I don't know. There seems to be a hidden motive behind that."

"Are you questioning my decision?" they challenge.

"I'm questioning you as your wife," you say, another one of your tricks to dodge insubordination. Hange scoffs. "What exempts my squad from this?"

"Squad Levi will be at the frontline if we're up against the Nine Titans. Your squad will only attack when things go astray. Until then, your job is to scout aerially and make sure that nobody intrudes."

You open your mouth to argue, but Hange hooks their gear to a nearby tree.

"Last one to get out of the forest is a loser!"

"Hey—!" Your words are interrupted by them flying away at top speed. You grumble. "Ugh, Hange!"

Launching a grappling hook on the nearest tree, you propel yourself forward as you chase them with all your might. Hange takes a sharp turn halfway through, but you predict their actions a second too early. They whiz past trees in random directions, passing fellow soldiers in the same uniforms that camouflage them all too well, but your agility allows you to keep up.

"Wow, you're getting too close," they remark upon looking over their shoulder and finding you only two trees away. "Maybe I should keep you with Levi at the frontlines— (Y/N)!"

"HELP ME!"

The operating device that controls the right grappling hook of your gear stops working the moment you dislodge the left hook from the tree behind you, sending you free-falling from 70 meters in the air. You press on the right-hand device again but to no avail. You try the left, but the steel wire is visibly stuck after immediate retraction.

The wind blows the hair away from your face as you free fall. All it takes is approximately 3.8 seconds for you to hit the forest floor, but when you protect your head and brace for impact, you are caught by Hange just in time.

"O-oh my gosh—" you try to process your thoughts as you clutch your heart.

Hange settles you down on the ground. The Scouts nearby halt their training and land on the surrounding tree branches, observing the aftermath of the incident. Members of your squad and Levi's arrive moments later, followed by numerous soldiers with inkling curiosity at your desperate shriek.

Still shocked, you tug at Hange's suit to thank them, but they look furious.

It's not your fault, but you feel small under their gaze.

Hange is a different person when mad.

"Are you okay?!" they ask frantically, one hand patting your body for any signs of injury as the other holds you tightly. Hange repeats the question, but you can't answer properly as you try to come into terms with the shock. You've used broken equipment before, but none of those instances were as life-threatening as this.

Hange notices your body trembling, and they take it as a sign to stop asking you any further.

"I'm sorry, love. I'm not mad at you, I just... ugh!"

Their face contorts into frustration once more. How is it possible that everyone else's gear is working perfectly fine, but yours isn't? Hange made sure to keep their instructions clear as the new equipment were distributed among the soldiers: keep the Fourth Squad's and Squad Levi's the most defect-free.

As Levi approaches, Hange remembers the engraving on the body of the device that should be present in everyone else's gear: a unique serial code that should differ from each one. They gently turn you on your side to check the engraving.

Their blood boils.

"Everyone, stop whatever you are doing!”

In the far distance, you can hear the soft whirs of the anti-personnel maneuvering gear coming to a halt, clearly hearing the voice of their Commander.

“Alright, now tell me which USELESS DIMWIT in the Walls decided to give MY WIFE the broken gear that I instructed MANY TIMES to get rid of before coming here?!"

The entire forest remains quiet, possibly even quieter than before. The Scouts stare at the Commander, reflecting on their words with mouths agape.

They collectively don't know which piece of information to process first: the fact that Commander Hange is fuming in anger of a possible sabotage or the fact that they had just revealed your marriage. Somewhere in the crowds of soldiers, a few gasp at the latter detail.

Albeit still trembling, your face heats up at Hange's outburst, feeling a hundred different pairs of eyes looking down at the both of you.

You shake Hange's arm.

"I-I'm okay, you were there just in time, Hange—"

"Until I find out the idiot who did it, nobody is leaving this stupid forest!"

"Oi, Hange. Have mercy on your wife." Levi points at your shaking form. Your head faces the ground, afraid to look up given the commotion. Two of your squad members rush beside you for comfort. "It could have been intentional. Don't act rashly now."

Hange inhales deeply to respond to Levi's statement, but they hesitate as rationality strikes them. They momentarily let go of you to push their goggles to the top of their head before squeezing your hands tightly.

"I'm so sorry. Change out of your gear and leave with your squad. I'll meet you later."

You find it better to follow than to disobey them. Standing up from the ground, you immediately lean in for a hug. Although not as intimate as you normally would, Hange embraces you back and you feel even more eyes peering at the two of you.

"Thank you so much. I love you."

"I love you, too."

As you leave with the Fourth Squad, Wim and Holger stare at each other, their jaws reaching the floor. They can't communicate freely in the environment they're in, but their wide eyes are enough to articulate the incredulity and satisfaction of knowing that they were right all along.

By the foot of the trees, Connie stands in between Armin, Jean, Eren, Mikasa, and Sasha, who are equally dumbstruck by the revelation.

Connie looks at Sasha, whom he has amazing telepathy with.

Did you know this? Sasha asks. I did not know this.

I think I knew this, Connie replies.

How do you 'think that you know this'? Sasha asks again. Either way, that's not fair! I didn't know!

Connie shakes his head. Nobody did for certain. Maybe except for Captain Levi.

The ride back to the Survey Corps headquarters is silent. You're too shameful to talk to your squad members as close as you may be, but you're grateful for their understanding of your boundaries.

On your way to the headquarters, you pass by the Anti-Marleyan volunteers with Yelena notably in the crowd. Her face brightens up the moment she sees you in the new maneuvering gear; she thinks you look a thousand times prettier than your day-to-day style. She makes her way to your sauntering horse, then tries to catch your attention with a friendly wave of her hand.

Before she can speak with you, one of your squad members taps her shoulder and shakes his head. Yelena slows down her pace and decides to lag behind with the man who had tapped her.

"Squad Leader (Y/N) doesn't want to speak to anyone at the moment," your squad member explains. Yelena raises her eyebrows, awaiting further explanation. "She is following Commander Hange's orders."

"What does the Commander have to do with whom she speaks to?" Yelena asks, finding it ridiculous that Hange would impose such a dumb rule for you to follow.

The man looks panicked.

"Well... she is the Commander's... wife," he replies, unsure if he should be spreading such information that was only revealed to him not more than 20 minutes ago. Yelena nearly stops walking.

What the hell did he just say?

A random memory from many months ago occurs to her.

Onyankopon, the Commander, and the Marleyan chefs. The dining service by the harbor. Yelena noticing the wedding band on the Commander's finger. Commander Hange mentioning their preference, making their interests clear.

Yelena deducing that they were married to a fellow soldier.

"Apologies, but I will be on my way," the man bids goodbye and commands the horse forward to catch up to the rest of the squad. Yelena is left by the side of the road, alone in shock.

She chuckles bitterly.

Out of all people, she thinks to herself.

At the very least, Hange was telling the truth. You are beautiful.

[revelboo]

Am I going insane or has no one asked for D-16??? If not them I am going to humbly bEG YOU PLEASE LET ME SMOOCH HIM HE DESERVES IT

Sure! Took me a bit to figure out a plot convenience to get a reader to him, Megatronus Prime, and Silverbolt. 18+ 🌶️

Fight For You

D-16 x Reader

• Hefting his drill, D-16 sidesteps out of the way of a much bigger, cogged bot. The other not even sparing him a glance. Not even seeing him, because miners are barely above drones in their optics. But what he’s doing matters even if they don’t see him. There’s energon because of him and the others, risking their lives to make sure there are no shortages. That no one goes wanting. And if they cut his rations again? It’s because it was needed elsewhere. Cogless bots are smaller, need less even if there’s a vague dissatisfaction he has to keep pushing down.

• Listening to the chatter around you and sipping at the one glass of champagne they’d allowed you, there’s a nervous tension threading through you that’s part anticipation and part, mostly, anxiety. You pick at the steak they’d put in front of you, surrounded by other dishes, caviar, lobster, things so far out of your budget they’re a treat. If you had any appetite. You keep thinking this is likely a last meal and of the six other team members for the first jaunt, only one is tearing into the food. Everyone else as jittery as you are. But most of the drones have come back just fine. They’d captured staticky, conflicting images of a green world, a glittering city, and more. The gate unstable and shifting, but the scientists think they’ve figured out the intervals it swaps to a new location. That your team will be able to step through, take samples and step back out.

• Waiting for Orion and the others to fall into recharge, he heads to the roof of the dorm assigned to miners and tips his face up to the glittering, dizzying beauty of Iacon. Watches a flight capable Cybertronian streak by and wonders what that’s like. To be so free. Orion is the dreamer, though. Always has been. While he’s the realist. Knows that’s not meant for them. “I matter,” he whispers, voice lost in the noise of the city humming around him. Because he needs to believe that. To be satisfied.

• Heart rabbiting in your chest, you shuffle to an awkward halt, lined up shoulder to shoulder with the other explorers. Over the comms, someone’s humming the Jeopardy theme as you face that churning miasma of light and shadow. The government had dug up the gate decades ago, secreted it away to figure out. And it’s definitely not human tech. Already sweating in what’s essentially a space suit, you can hear yourself breathing as you flex your fingers in the thick gloves. They’d kitted you out with your own oxygen and water, the suit dragging you down and you want to look back to make sure the carbon fiber tether is still secured to the winch. Just in case, they said. In case they couldn’t walk back through on their own.

• “Hold,” calls a voice, almost painfully loud inside the helmet as feedback squeals in your ear. “We’ve got a power fluctuation.” And you feel it when the gate shifts, like a hook sank into your gut, tugging at you. Stumbling back a step as power arcs off the gate. Is this normal? There’s a klaxon screaming and your heart drops. Barely hear someone yelling ‘abort’ when the first person breaks and tries to run. The concrete floor under your feet buckling and cracking and you fall, sliding toward that miasma. Someone’s screaming and it might be you. Grabbing at your tether as you slide and someone else falls on you and you both hit that churning surface.

• Venting tiredly, he turns to go back down and get some recharge and feels a soft thump against his ped. And- what is that? A mini-con? A tiny, little bot with a domed, silvery head trailing a severed cable behind it. And it’s soft when he bends to nudge it with a servo. “You okay, buddy?” Head lifting to look for a transport, for any sign of where you’d come from. Knows the wealthy sometimes keep mini-cons as companions, but that tether? Had you run away? Being kept against your will? Denta gritting, he scoops you up and carries you down with him into the dorms. If you are a runaway, it’s none of his business, but mini-cons aren’t pets. No bot should be chained. But hiding you is only going to cause him problems if your keeper comes looking for you. Still, he can’t just ignore you. Can’t pretend he doesn’t see you, because he knows too well what that’s like.

Next

[callmearcturus]

tobias

radiation

fox

is working on the new soundtrack to OFF

hang on the interview with them is actually interesting

What did you think about composing some tracks for the new soundtrack? Well, it's a complicated feeling. Let me clarify. Obviously, Fangamer and Mortis wanted to use the original soundtrack. They tried to reach out to the composer, ACC, to get the rights to use it... but ultimately, he felt nervous about signing anything and disappeared. However, he has stated that he doesn't mind that his music isn't being used, and he has no problem with the new soundtrack. So, it's a bit weird, but everything is chill. That being said, OFF is a very atmospheric and memorable game, and the soundtrack contributed a lot to that. It's an integral part of the memories that people have built of this game. Trying to replace those songs feels like breaking into somebody's house and pasting your face into their family photo album. But, Mortis asked me if I was interested, and, given that his game really inspired me, and he's a super nice guy... I decided I would try my best to help. To ensure that new players, even if they didn't get the exact same experience, would get a pretty cool one. I ended up handling a lot of boss tracks. I attempted to match the game's "style" by aiming for idiosyncrasy and atmosphere over everything else. I think the results are pretty cool. I also was assigned... the normal battle theme. I'm gonna be honest, just feels like I got assigned to take a bullet in the back for everybody else. I looked up almost every jazz song from the 1920s, I commissioned Carlos to make an entire fake jazz song for me so I could cut it up into samples, I tried making like 6 entirely different songs, but nothing I could come up with on my own felt quite right. In the end, I summoned Camellia to help me out by re-remixing my first track into multiple versions, and so ultimately I think it will feel pretty cool as you go through the game. (But, I'll be the first to say that I can't replace your memories...) By the way, I did the music for free, and I'll upload my tracks for free after the game comes out. Personally, I don't think the original music is replaceable, so I want to treat what I made like "fanmusic", made just out of love and respect for the original. Alright, see ya.

Love the remark about "assigned to take a bullet" because for fucking real, imagine being a game music composer and being asked to make a new "Pepper Steak"

for people who are not Certified Game Likers, it's like being asked to make a new version of The Fifth Element. nothing you do will replace the original and most likely you were heavily influenced by its existence, so what do you even do?

/slinks off to listen to "Pepper Steak" again

[qqueenofhades]

Hello, you said you were open to historical questions. If you don't mind, I have an incredibly specific one: during the High Middle Ages, in Europe, how did businesses advertise themselves? Town criers? Signs? Free samples? Word of mouth? All of the above? If I was a pilgrim, how would I find a place to stay the night?

If we're thinking specifically about lodging, it would depend very much on who you were and why you were traveling. You would most likely have friends or extended family in the place you were going, and you were more likely to stay in a private home rather than an inn, since medieval innkeepers (unlike modern hotels) were not obliged to offer you a room if they didn't like you for whatever reason. You would also have to share it with several strangers and possibly be extorted, since there were plenty of unscrupulous innkeepers who liked to charge additional fees for every extra service (such as a boy to remove your boots or a stable for your horse). So if you could avoid it, you might want to look for other options.

As such, your best bet for overnight room and board (at least if you were a man) would be the local monastery. Not only did this have the advantage of being fairly easy to find, it would also be free, since many monastic orders viewed it as a religious imperative to take in guests, and there were specific monks who were assigned especially to care for travelers. You might offer a few alms to the monastery or attend a prayer with the monks for the evening, or some other way to demonstrate your gratitude. Since long-distance individual travel purely for pleasure (with notable exceptions such as Ibn Battuta) was considerably uncommon in the Middle Ages, you would not often have to worry about places you didn't know at all.

However, that's where the pilgrimage comes in! Much like modern package holidays, medieval pilgrims often traveled in a large group under the organization and/or supervision of a company, they were highly structured and organized, and they had plenty of guidebooks to help them know where to go, where to stay (and what to avoid), the proper rituals to do and religious sights to see, and so forth. See for example the Codex Calixtinus (also known as the Codex Compostellus), which is a twelfth-century guide to the Santiago de Compostela pilgrimage route in Spain. Sometimes called the "first travelers' guidebook," it was part of the increasingly elaborate pilgrimage network to cities such as Rome, Jerusalem, and Canterbury (which along with Santiago de Compostela were the major pilgrimage destinations). So if you were a pilgrim traveling through unfamiliar lands, you would absolutely not have to worry about finding a place to stay for the night on your own; there would be your fellow travelers, guidebooks, word of mouth, advice from your local clergy (and whenever in doubt, as noted, hit up the local monastery). The Canterbury Tales are famously a group of fictional pilgrims who are all staying together and sharing their experiences. In the later Middle Ages, you would also have detailed personal memoirs like The Itineraries of William Wey and international banking institutions such as that offered by the Templars, to make it easier to pay for travel goods and services.

If you're interested in reading more about travel in the Middle Ages, especially as related to pilgrimage (which was undertaken both for sincere religious reasons and a desire to see the world), I recommend A Travel Guide to the Middle Ages by Anthony Bale, which investigates which medieval people traveled, where they went, what their experiences were, and how they negotiated basic practical realities such as finding a place to stay overnight. I don't know if this has answered your question per se about advertising, but it has hopefully pointed out that staying somewhere overnight was usually not a matter of individually paying for a room in a third-party commercial establishment. And if you were a pilgrim, you would definitely not have to figure that out by yourself, since it would be arranged with your pilgrimage group, whoever was supervising the trip, and the guidebooks written for people exactly like you.

[ox-imagines]

Tokyo Debunker as Romance Tropes

Feel free to ask me to write a longer imagine/oneshot for any of these!

Pt. 6 | Mortkranken

Pt. 1 | Pt. 2 | Pt. 3 | Pt. 4 | Pt. 5 | Pt. 7

Yuri - Academic Rivals

No one makes your blood boil like Isami Yuri does. He’s your only peer who can match and outdo you, your only peer as dedicated to his work as you are to yours, and he always looks gorgeous doing it. He absolutely infuriates you. He knows he infuriates you, and he enjoys it. That cold, insidious glint in his eyes and his victorious, slightly manic smirk every time he gets under your skin just makes it worse; you hate feeling like you’re losing control of your temper in front of him, giving him more ammo, but you can’t help it when he stares you down like that. The tension between the two of you every time you interact is almost palpable. Then, the end of the semester rolls around and come to find out the two of you have no classes together. Your life and studies can return to normal and you can exist in peace. Except… it’s actually boring. There’s no one to catch any flaws in your work and call you out on it, no one to challenge you to do your best, you’re simply at the top of your classes with no one to threaten that position. It makes it seem a whole lot less worthwhile. You find yourself subconsciously seeking him out, searching for the scheming glitter of his sea-colored eyes, the gleam of his aqua hair, in the hallways and the dining hall and the parking lot. Without him, there’s no motivation to be at the top of your game, without him there’s no point. You don’t end up seeing him around, but one day, he finds you instead. You feel someone grab you from behind, dragging you around a corner, and you turn to find Yuri with his hair a bit tousled and his eyes crazed, but in a different way than usual. Like he’s the bothered one now rather than how you’re used to him enjoying your suffering. He’s agitated in a way you’ve never seen him, backing you against the wall, and while you still felt the usual tension between the two of you, this time it felt different somehow. As if the tension was actually a good thing.

“Everyone here is pitiful. Everyone but you. I can’t even begin to say how much I hate admitting this, but I need you.”

Jiro - Lab Partners

You don’t know Jiro well when you’re partnered in lab. It happens simply by coincidence. Neither of you knew anyone in the class, and you each took a seat at opposite sides of an empty table. No one else sat there, therefore, the two of you got partnered. Jiro isn’t exactly the easiest person to get to know either, letting you know quite bluntly that he feels your questions are too personal (even if it’s just small talk about his interests or hobbies). He’s also a bit off-putting: he’s very tall, and very quiet, and just a bit awkward. Despite that, despite knowing nothing about what he enjoys or is like outside of class, you only grow more curious, and each lab assignment has you feeling a bit closer to him. Then again, you have to be quite physically close to him to dissect a pig fetus together, for example. His arm pressed against yours is surprisingly a bit warmer than you’d expected, and over the scent of formaldehyde you can make out tones of a crisp, subtle cologne on him. He really looks quite nice up close like this, the slope of his nose giving him a pretty profile and his usually tired eyes focused intently on his incisions; his eyelashes were enviously long and dark, too. You swear you feel him staring at you the same way sometimes when you aren’t looking, but you suppose you can’t be sure. One afternoon, the two of you meet in the lab outside of class hours to collect time-sensitive data on some bacteria cultures you were working with. You realize it’s the first time the two of you have been truly alone together, let alone with the only light in the room coming through the windows as the sun begins to sink and from the opened sample fridge throwing an incandescent glow. As he retrieves your samples, the obnoxious fridge lighting seems to cast a pallor over his generally wearied expression, but as he pulls back and closes the door the sun hits the side of his face, dappled through the leaves outside but making him seem to glow, lighting up his crimson eye that it touched and making it gleam as if it were on fire. From the sunlight in your eye and the way he was looking at you, you could guess he was experiencing a similar phenomenon to yours.

“The sun’s in my eye. I’m gonna collect the data and then we should get out of here before it’s dark out. I haven’t eaten yet, have you?”

[studentbyday]

how to survive a full course load in uni as a highly-sensitive person

wanted to try this kind of "advice" post / letter to past me as a premed student who also happens to be an HSP that sometimes struggles to regulate her emotions and is frequently overwhelmed by little things... this is a combo of things i'm glad i did in uni and what hindsight tells me i should've done... i hope that if any of this sounds relevant to you, whether you feel like you're an HSP or not, that you're able to take something useful away from it. and please feel free to reblog with your own tips/advice if you feel i missed something here! i'm just a sample size of 1.

part 1:

If you felt overwhelmed by your course load in high school, for the love of God, don't take the maximum (or “recommended”, which is the maximum at my uni) course load in your first year just to “graduate on time.” Take enough courses each semester that you feel the tingles of a challenge, but don't go overboard. You must feel the “tingles” so that you will be forced to find ways to adapt (i, at least, find it very diffcult to make myself get out of my comfort zone unless given no other option), but don't go to the extreme of taking on too much that you're silent screaming in panic more than you're getting things done. If you're not sure how many courses to enroll in, enroll in as many as you want, and if you find it too much, you can drop as many as you need to by the appropriate deadlines. Also, you may feel resistance to “lowering your standards” as you switch up your study methods to account for the much greater amount of material you need to cover, especially if you're an HSP who struggles with perfectionism, but just stick with it for a little while. You're so much more than a number or letter or percentage mark on an assignment or test, and you may find you're still able to consistently achieve all that you had wanted to in the academic realm. Perhaps you'll even find you're able to complete your work with greater calm and ease if you stick with it long enough. i say this as an hsp who still gets stressed by school but now has enough confidence to more easily calm myself down because i know i can still make it with imperfect study methods and because of that, i can do things with greater ease and apparently get on the dean's list not once but freakin’ twice during my degree?!?!?! i just got the email this week! and whaaaaaaa

If you followed tip #1, try slowly increasing the number of courses you take per semester. You're capable of more than you think. Life will throw you so many more curveballs and responsibilities as you get on, and the overwhelm may be demoralizing but you were meant to live. So, the earlier you train yourself to stop freaking out about each addition to your plate*, the easier it will be and the more confident in yourself you'll feel. In first year, I was overwhelmed with 3 courses per semester, and so in second year, I dropped to 2 and found it to be too little. In third year, I did 3 per semester and found it to be just right. Now, I'm doing 4 per semester and it's like first year all over again except I'm handling a fuller plate. And experimenting with taking 4 courses per semester and finding it's not the death sentence I thought it would be is giving me the confidence I need to take 5 courses per semester next year, my final year. ☺️ Ideally, I would've stuck with 3 in my second year and started on 4 in my third year, so I could even graduate sooner, but still, that's growth right there! And if some rando on the internet can do it, you can too! (* okay, you might not stop freaking out but you will be able to calm yourself down faster the more you practice, which is such a big ace for anyone, hsp or not!)

Please don't feel pressured to do all the social things immediately like joining all the clubs and societies and and high-energy social gatherings/parties. Please also don't feel guilty or blame yourself for not engaging in any or all of these, especially if you feel like you aren't living the “uni life” you want. You'll be here for what, 2, 3, or more years? That's a ton of time! Gradually add the extracurriculars as you feel ready (as in your academic life doesn't feel like a game of hot potato) and only as you feel so called to it that you're sure you're gonna regret it someday if you don't take the chance.

On a related note, don't feel like you have to do everything all at once. Some people take the maximum course load and somehow excel in a bunch of extracurricular activities at the same time while functioning on 5-7 hours of sleep. If that's not you, don't sweat it. Maybe you can adjust your schedule so that in one semester you focus more on academics and in the next, you focus more on the extracurriculars you need to feed your soul and boost your resumé.

SELF-CARE IS SO MUCH MORE IMPORTANT THAN (some) PEOPLE GIVE IT CREDIT FOR — DON'T YOU DARE DROP SELF-CARE IN FAVOR OF “PRODUCTIVITY.” (tbh i still struggle with this, BUT!) Ignore all the people who brag about how little sleep they got the night before the exam. Ignore all the people who brag about not having time to take care of their health in favor of completing another assignment or participating in some coveted extracurricular. Make an exercise plan for the kind of workout that rejuvenates you and follow through on it (except when too ill and tired...you'll know when you need to take a rest day, so listen to your body), whether it's yoga, dance, HIIT, slow pilates, weights, or whatever! And sleep a tonnnn. Sleep earlier than you feel you "should" (given that uni students seem to love to keep odd hours...and that habit may rub off on you as it did on me). Give yourself at least an hour to wind down from all the stimulants of the day (tbh sometimes i need 2 or more hours to finally feel relaxed enough after a long day)... don't subject yourself to the stimulant of your phone (if you happen to see this during your wind-down time, take this as your signal to GET THE FRICK OFF THE PHONE 😂). Take naps or just lie down and relax in bed as needed, especially if you feel you're fighting the flu or covid or whatnot. Take the time to have a nice, hot (or cold, depending on your personal preference 😅) shower or a simple, relaxing bath. Meditate when you need some quiet time, maybe try it in the dark if you feel you just really need to soothe your senses. Journal. Every. Day. At least for me, even if I feel my thoughts are mundane, somehow it helps keep me sane, especially when I have no one to talk to because everyone else around me is busy... (If even for one week I neglect basic self-care, I feel physically terrible which makes me feel mentally terrible and then I'm of no use to myself or anyone else! It isn't selfish or narcissistic and it definitely doesn't have to be expensive. Self-care really works wonders for stress levels and sustainable functioning, sometimes in really subtle ways.)

part 2: (did not know about tumblr's character limit for a single block. that's the only reason this second part exists otherwise it would all be in the same list lol)

When on the verge of panic-crying in defeat but you still need to push through or miss important deadlines, try studying to calming music/ambiences that are still stimulating enough to occupy the frazzled part of your brain that keeps you from functioning 😅 I suppose it's like a lullaby except for studying... 😅 One that worked for me last night was this one and a favorite since my high school days was this one. (What Elaine Aron said about water being really calming seems to be true for some reason and I have no idea why it works so well but it does so I'm rollin’ with it.)

Find small, low-effort creative outlets to release the restless energy that comes from creative needs neglected. Especially useful if you feel stuck in “left-brain” activities for most of the day and don't have much energy for your preferred creative outlets that ask more of you (also yes ik the whole left brain/right brain thing is a myth but idk how to concisely describe the bodily feeling bc it does feels like different parts of my brain are used for logical vs creative activities lol). I like to make wallpapers on Canva using the too many pics I download from the internet (istg I've probably changed my wallpaper at least once for every week since the start of term lol) and I guess I also make ugly comics when the mood strikes 😂

Take frequent, extended breaks from social media. This probably doesn't apply to only HSPs but I find that on the days I scroll a lot, create content for, or consume a lot of social media content in addition to all the things that go on in my real world, I get extra frazzled and tired. I think because of the depth of processing that comes with being HSP, we need to be extra mindful of where we put our energy and attention. Some of the mental health benefits I wasn't sure were true for me before I did a social media detox: at least for me, the peace and clarity of mind I get from it is unmatched! Imagine a world with less FOMO/toxic comparison, less guilt resulting from that, less of feeling like you're just very unaesthetic and dull irl, less guilt resulting from that, less time wasted, less guilt resulting from that. Less extraneous emotional clouding -> better judgment. Such a weight off just by hitting “sign out.”

Clean your workspace either before you study or after you study to have a clear mind. (Yeah, that's another a cliché but we HSPs tend to be more affected by our physical environments and we just gotta accept that and so keeping clean and, for me at least, minimalist, does wonders for my peace of mind 😊)

Don't be afraid to ask for help. You might feel like since you're a legal adult, you should be able to do everything by yourself all the time and not have to bother anyone. But the wise who have been legal adults for ages know that they can't do it all alone. So: do you need an extension on an assignment? Do you need help balancing your chores and schoolwork? Ask for help when you need it! It is not a sign of failure.

If you can, it might help to find yourself an inanimate study buddy 🧸 if you feel you need extra cozy/calming chemicals in your brain while you study 😅

Last but not least, if you have trouble regulating your emotions and fall into the pessimistic trap like I do sometimes, this may help:

If you would like a wallpaper version, here are two for different phone sizes lol:

[stanfanfiction]

Taste of You - Ken x fem!reader - PART FOUR

Alrighty. Going to try bringing the reader’s history more into this one. There’s still a lotta hot going on but this one is more somber with some fluff and feelings and I really hope you like it <3

Thank you to @dogboytim for suggesting Ken helping the reader deal with self esteem/body issues. So definitely a TW for that.

I’ve also been dealing with some emotional shit in my own life and I think I kind used this as a catharsis for myself so….I hope it’s an okay read 🙈

Masterlist for previous parts

Warnings: 18+ ONLY / dealing with past trauma / panic attacks / body dysmorphia / domestic abuse (mentioned as a theme, nothing specific other than leading into the readers self esteem struggles) / horny Ken / caretaking Ken / fluff / feelings / Ken finally gets out of the house / soft sex / oral (fem!receiving) / stubborn Ken / bathroom sex / ptsd / some kinda con-non-con (but reader likes it so it is technically all consensual) / making love vs having sex… (you’ll see)

You squealed as Ken’s fingers entered you swiftly. Apparently you hadn’t been giving him enough attention this morning, *again,* and you were definitely starting to see a pattern forming here. You sat opened legged on your bathroom counter where Ken had placed you moments earlier while you were only trying to brush your hair and get dressed before you found yourself leaning back against the mirror over the sink and pulling his hair.

“I *HATE* class days,” he seethed as his mouth went to attack your clit and you gasped but smiled as you threw your head back. You hadn’t told him that right before he came into the bathroom deciding to be needy once again that you had just received an email that your class had been cancelled for the day, but you decided it didn’t hurt to not tell him for the next few minutes.

“Hmm…ahh…Ken is so needy again.”

Ken’s eyes stared at you as if being challenged and he used his free hand to open up your vulva lips and plant his tongue firmly against you, moving up from your opening slowly. You bucked a little and Ken removed his fingers from your core to place that hand on across your hips, holding you down for him as he began to tongue fuck you.

“Won’t let you leave,” he mumbled, his mouth pressed into you.

You laughed again. “Greedy boy. My class got cancelled today,” you breathed.

Ken paused for a moment to smile, then went back to pleasuring you but less from a place of frustration now as he began going a little slower, loving how you always squirmed when his touch was just a little too slow and your body craved more.

Your cell phone ringtone made you both startle, and you immediately began working to control your breathing when you saw the number.

“Ken, I have to get this,” you said, picking it up to answer it. Ken stopped what he was doing but remained kneeling in front of you, hands gently massaging your thighs. He leaned his cheek into one of your knees and smiled contentedly, pressing a kiss into it.

“Hi, Professor.”

Ken’s face fell.

“Hi, Miss Y/L/N. Sorry I wasn’t able to reply to your email, my Wifi has been dodgy all week.”

“No worries,” you said, noticing Ken’s scowl and trying not to giggle. You ran your fingers through his hair softly and that seemed to calm him down.

“But in answer to your email, unfortunately my plane back has been delayed so I’m not able to meet in-person, but I’m more than happy to answer any questions over the phone if now works for you.”

Ken shook his head.

“Yes! That would be great, thank you. Let me just grab the assignment really quick.” You wrinkled your nose at Ken and attempted to get off the counter but Ken held both of your legs tightly, not letting you go.

“Ken!” You scolded him silently. “I NEED to get my book bag.”

Ken gave you a playful look and stood. “Stay,” he said quietly. He left and within seconds he was back with your bag. You dug the out sample assignment you had been giving in class and smiled a thank you to him.

“Okay, so my first question was about -“ you could have committed a murder right then. Ken had pulled you forward to where you were almost hanging off the counter and dug his lips into your wetness.

“Ah, sorry,” ohhh you were definitely going to kill him, as you stressed over how there was probably no way your voice sounded normal right now no matter how hard you were tying. “Just finding the page.”

“Of course, take your time.”

“Stop it, stop IT,” you almost hissed, pulling the phone away from your ear just long enough to get your words out. Ken’s eyes met yours and your heart jumped. Ohh fuck fuck fuucckkk you couldn’t pinpoint exactly what he was feeling then, but it definitely wasn’t going to make your phone call any easier.

You kept your eyes glued to his while trying to ask your question, glancing at the paper in your hand every couple moments to make sure your stressed-out brain was remembering how to speak correctly. Ken just stared back at you, waiting, and somehow that tension was worse than if he was fucking you right now because you didn’t know when he was going to strike.

Your professor began answering your question, and you rummaged with your hand in your bag to find a pin to mark on the mock-up assignment when Ken shoved his tongue into your opening, and you could have lunged at him. He smirked.

“This isn’t a game,” you whispered down at him, trying to hold focus enough to write down what you needed to.

His eyes bored into yours. “Oh, I disagree,” they said, twinkling, and he began firmly licking you in circles. You had begun to read his mind simply by how expressive his eyes were, and you felt like you were having a full conversation with them right now.

Your hand shook a little and you cursed internally not being able to write at this moment. You pushed at Ken’s shoulder with your foot but of course he was built like a wall and didn’t budge. He grinned for a second and you caught yourself grinning back in an irritating mixture of frustration but also…. fun? And you hated that you were having fun.

“I’m a professional student,” you kept thinking to yourself on repeat.

“Did that answer what you were asking?” Your professor’s words didn’t register until a few seconds after they were spoken.

“Oh! Yes, it did, thank you so much.”

“Of course. Anything else you need to go over?”

You eyed Ken and wanted to get your answers but also knew it just wasn’t worth it at this point and you would have to talk to your professor after class next week.

“No, that was it. I really appreciate you getting back to me.”

You had NO idea what his reply was as Ken stood up and wrapped your legs around his waist, reaching underneath your butt, but you were able to register your professor saying to have a good day.

“You too, thank you!” You managed to get out before Ken took the phone, hung it up, and tossed it aside as he easily picked you up and carried you over to the wall.

“FUCKING hell, Ken,” you let out. “You cannot do that.”

“Hmmm.” He smirked. You wanted to both slap that smugness off of his face but also kiss him hungrily.

“I’ve got to put you in your place,” you lamented as you became trapped between the wall and Ken holding you up.

“But I *am* in my place,” Ken replied simply, knowing he was egging you on, and solidifying his point by sinking his cock into you.

“I *mean* it - ahhhhhh…” Your mind went blank as your legs held on for dear life around his waist while he fucked up into you sharply.

You both lay panting on the bed, coming down from your highs. Ken held you like usual, butterfly kissing your face while you came back to reality. Your head was swimming from the sex but also from realizing you needed to get Ken interested in something other than you, and fast. He had come into your life right after midterms, and you realized now how much of a blessing that was because you couldn’t fathom how on earth you would get through finals this way.

You petted his cheek. “Ken? Would you like to go on an outing with me today?”

He sat up a little, curious.

“I have been meaning to go to the library anyways, and you could come see my campus with me.”

“I thought you said only students were allowed there.”

“Well, only students can be in the classroom. You are able to come with me to the campus, though.”

Ken smiled, and your heart ached a little at realizing how much you really hadn’t been thinking of how he would probably love going out with you, he just didn’t seem to have the motivation to explore on his own, at least not since you had known him. You thanked yourself for remembering to get him a normal, not open-to-the-hips shirt the other day so he had something to wear, and before long you were both on the bus headed to your school.

The bus was a FASCINATING experience for Ken. You watched in entertained awe at him as he acted like an excited puppy. He pointed out cool buildings and places he wanted to visit to you every few seconds, commented on the unattractive interior design of the bus, and was reaching up to pull the emergency break alert rope when you grabbed his arm top stop him just in time.

His excitement never waned but he had moments of quiet, too, and he held your hand in both of his as he stared out the window. You leaned your head against the seat and studied him.

Who *was* this man, exactly? You never questioned his explanation that he was a literal doll come into your world, and now you wondered why that hadn’t felt difficult to believe. You knew the last couple weeks had been utter chaos on a number of levels, and you realized how much you had actually been needing someone to come in and turn everything into something wonderful for you. That definitely explained your lack of attempting to learn about him, what he was searching for, what he desired and wanted out of life.

You felt melancholy then, watching as Ken pointed to a dog out of the window and turned, smiling at you, making sure you saw it. You smiled back and nodded, and he turned his attention back to the outside world, never letting loose of your hand.

Your heart hurt now. This wasn’t something that could last forever, was it? Or…maybe? You didn’t know anything that was happening, other than in your little condo that you paid for with your inheritance, that life had become a little bubble of a world the two of you had created, something from a fantasy, and you missed it when you weren’t there. When you walked in the door, Ken was always waiting for you, and your little house felt like a home. You decided you needed to start trying to look at things a little more realistically, learn to actually know Ken, see if maybe this whole thing had a futur-

You cut off the thought before it felt too soothing, not wanting to get your hopes up. You sniffed softly and quickly wiped at a tear that you hadn’t expected to form, not wanting Ken to see. You just wanted to focus on enjoying today with him.

Getting off the bus was its own new adventure, as Ken looked around the campus. “Where are your classes? Do you have a favorite classroom? Do you have a favorite study place? Is there somewhere you like to meet with your friends?”

His questions hit you hard, and you hated how oddly sad you felt today. Everything he was asking was less about general curiosity and only meant to better understand YOU and your life and how you existed in it when he wasn’t around.

You two made your way to the library where you found the book you needed and also check-out a book Ken had been absorbed in about horses. You knew you’d have to ask him to explain that one someday.

You were strolling slowly back to the bus stop when you noticed a really nice grassy area shaded by a huge tree, and suggested you both sit there for awhile. Ken happily complied, and you opened your new book to start going over it. Ken snuggled up next to you and would every few minutes ask about something in the book that he didn’t understand as he read over your shoulder, and this was honestly a really easy way to study for your exams, you decided.

Suddenly he felt your body go rigid. Ken noticed and followed your eyesight to see a man staring at you, dark eyes filled with anger. His body stance was tight, one hand in a fist. He looked the personification of pure rage. You felt paralyzed.

“Who is that?”

You worked to answer as you exhaled. “My ex.”

Your ex. He really didn’t know anything about your ex, but he fought like hell to destroy the dagger of jealousy that pierced his heart just then. He realized that was out of place and definitively not called for, especially in this moment, but he couldn’t help it, now thinking of how someone else besides him had been with you in the same way he was with you now, and he loathed the images that flooded his mind.

He leaned down to your ear. “Is that the reason you were crying the other day?”

Unable to verbally reply, tears stung your eyes as your breaths became shaky, although you were working desperately to control your outward appearance. You refused to look wounded in front of him.

That was plenty of confirmation for Ken and he wrapped his arm around you protectively. “What do you need me to do?”

“Help me get out of here,” your words barely a whisper as he helped you to your feet swiftly and grabbed the books. You tried to look away but were held captive by the gaze of the man standing across the courtyard from you.

Ken wasn’t sure what hit him then, but he suddenly felt outraged. He handed the books to you. “I’ll be right back,” he seethed, jaw tight.

You snapped back into reality just in time as Ken began swift, long strides over to the man, who look pleased at the attention he was receiving, and smirked in your direction. You jumped forward and gripped Ken’s arm.

“No, no, no, no, Ken, we have to leave.”

He paused and turned back to you because of the panic in your voice.

“He’s just trying to start a fight. I need to go.”

“He hurt you,” Ken bit out.

“Which is why we need to go. He’s angering you on purpose to hurt me again.”

Ken glanced back over his shoulder at the man who pulled his hand out of his fraternity jacket and waved mockingly. Ken huffed but hated how you were pleading with him, so he turned away and you both began walking briskly out of his sight.

You both remained quiet on the way home other than Ken asking if there was anything he could do a couple of times. You bit at your nails restlessly until the bus stopped at your exit station and you took Ken’s hand and hurried off back to your condo. You didn’t feel safe until you were back inside your home with the front door double locked.

You had kept your gaze on the floor the whole journey home, and Ken gently placed his hands on your arms, leading you to sit down on the sofa as he kneeled in front of you and took your hands in his.

“What did he do?” His voice sounded shaky, as if afraid of hearing the answers.

You felt fairly certain Ken didn’t know about certain forms of violence that happened between couples. From what he had told you about Barbieland, that idea had never been considered.

“So many things,” you were still trying to hold back tears. “So, so many things.”

“Tell me.”

You looked up from the ground to get lost in Ken’s blue eyes filled with concern and wanting nothing more than to understand so he knew how to help. The thought that telling him about what had happened and how that fresh new understanding of reality would probably break him just to process felt so cruel, and fuck, you didn’t want to lose the one innocent aspect you had had in your life. You broke out into sobs, trying to hide your face and Ken let you, your hands hiding your eyes as Ken wrapped his arms around your legs and placed his chin on your knee, waiting patiently.

“What is it you’re so scared to tell me?” He asked when your sobs became less loud.

How could you answer this without actually answering this…

“Sometimes, when people are in relationships, they can do really horrible things to their partners. They can hurt them really badly, in ways that sometimes never fully heal. That pain,” you grasped at your chest were you heart was, “it can just sort of stay, and sometimes you only have so much control over how much or how often it can hurt you again.” You began crying harder again, and Ken slowly got up and sat next to you, softly cradling you in his arms. You were thankful for the warmth and cried into his chest as he just held you like that until you were ready to say more. He wanted to know every detail of what you had gone through but also knew not to push it and wanted to respect the boundary you were holding with him. He worked to keep his body language soft and protective while fuming inside.

“Sometimes, though,” your voice was a little hoarse from all the crying, “people are able to find other people who help them. Who make them feel safe. Who are kind and gentle and who you know would never intentionally harm you.” You placed a hand on his chest next to your head, and his anger felt like it was seeping through his veins like the lava from a volcano as it erupted, filling every inch of him.

He had never felt this way before. You felt his muscles clench around you, but not tightening on you so as not to hurt you.

“What is it, Ken?”

“I feel angry,” he got out, jaw clenched again.

You nodded sadly. “Yeah. Me, too.”

He breathed in sharply. “How do I make sure he will never do it again?”

“I got a restraining order awhile back. That’s why he wasn’t able to walk over to us and was instead trying to get you to come to him instead. He tries to find new ways to scare me without getting in trouble legally anymore. He went for you hoping you would fall for it, to send me an extra message, that he is still capable to hurt anything I love.”

Ken felt his throat go dry. He wanted nothing more now than you follow up on those last few words, but now wasn’t the time to validate anything for himself. He needed to keep focused on caring for you.

“I will take care of you, y/n. I’m protect you. I promise.”

You felt his words vibrate through his chest right into your ear and felt his chin rest on the crown of your head.

“I will always be here.”

You smiled the tiniest smile and leaned into him more. “I know.”

Ken swelled with happiness, his anxiety calming down a little bit. You pulled back and Ken lifted your legs to rest over his lap, arms keeping their place around you.

“Days like today,” you said, “they have become less about physical danger to me. It’s all about hear,” you placed one of Ken’s hands gently on the side of your head. “It’s the memories that still hurt, and he works to bring them back.”

“How can I help make them go away, at least for now?”

You thought about it, then shook your head. “They’ll fade again, as they always do, for awhile. I think I need to clear my head and shower.”

Ken nodded and helped you stand up. “Do you need me?”

“I think I need just a minute to myself.”

“Okay. I understand.”

You stood on tiptoes to place the tiniest of kisses on the tip of his nose, then slowly began to head towards the bathroom.

Ken came in later when he head the shower faucet turned off, and walked in to check on you. Typically you had to issue being naked as soon as you dried off, but you had wrapped yourself tightly in a towel and he noticed the mirror had a towel over it, too.

You had hoped he wouldn’t walk in and have to explain another leftover stupid fucking thing from your previous relationship.

You tumble over your words to just get it over with, and his eyes grew wider with each passing sentence.

“But…..” he seemed incredulous, almost as if you had made the whole thing up. “You’re so beautiful.” It was stating a fact. There was no argument and he couldn’t comprehend anyone disagreeing.

“Sometimes I feel the opposite. You roughly brushed your hair just to have something to do.

Ken couldn’t believe the raw audacity that someone would harm someone else with words to make them hate how they looked, even for a second. He told you this in so many words, but finished with that even thought he didn’t understand, he did understand that your hurt didn’t hurt less just because he wanted it to.

You looked up at him, holding back tears, suddenly feeling the most intense desire to get lost in this man who genuinely could not process the pain you were in because it seemed so brutal, so cruel, so incredibly ridiculous that anyone would have to bear the weight that you were carrying. You need that, that little wisp that he offered of getting lost in the reality of his mind that knew so little but also someone knew and felt so much.

“Make love to me, Ken.”

It took him a moment to comprehend what you were asking, but he someone instinctively knew what you asked for, and walked over to you, ever so gently taking your face in his hands and leaning down to kiss you.

The kiss was like a spark went off in your head. Ken was gentle, taking your lips in his in tiny movements as if he might break you if he touched you too hard. You moaned to encourage him, wrapping your arms around his neck, and in turn he held you closer to him, his arms now around your back.

He kissed you lovingly and with passion you had never known before, pulling back to stare into your eyes, waiting for you to tell him what you wanted. He had made himself master of your command, and he wanted you to be in charge of everything that happened right now, anything that would make you feel loved the way he hoped you wanted to.

“Take me to the bed?”

Ken picked your wrapped figure up bridal style and did as you asked, laying you down and holding you to him, your faces inches apart on the pillow. You initiated kissing again, and his hand caressed the back of you head, pulling you a little closer. His tongue traced the your bottom lip and you smiled a little and he smiled back.

“What do you need?” He was completely lost in wanting to care for you.

You didn’t reply, not to be rude, but your brain froze up again, not wanting to see your own body be uncovered right now.

Ken reached for the top of the towel, fingers closing around it, waiting for your consent. You shook your head.

“That’s alright,” he soothed, seeing guilt spread across your face. The he had an idea.

“What if you close your eyes, and I undress you under the comforter?”

You contemplated this then nodded, feeling small and mousy. Ken pulled his shirt over his head and then the comforter over both of you as he hovered over you but not putting too much pressure on you.

You closed your eyes as his hand went back for the towel, and as he began pulling it apart, pausing every few seconds to make sure you hadn’t changed your mind, he left tender kisses down your neck and collarbone, sucking softly, and he it felt so good to him when he heard you moan. The towel eventually fell open, lying underneath you, your body bare.

Ken ran his large hand up and down your body, grazing the side of your breast and then down your stomach and hip, your body responding so naturally it was as if he had been created just to touch you. You opened your eyes, relaxing, and saw him watching you, studying your every emotion.

You smiled shyly. “Hi.”

He smiled warmly. “Hi.”

You placed your hands on his chest just to touch him. “You make me feel loved.”

If Ken could have physically melted, he would have in that moment. “That is always my intention.”

You pulled him down to you, consuming his lips, and Ken’s body molded into yours as he somehow fully surrounded you, covered in a little cave of a comforter. You felt like nothing could penetrate the safety he provided for you right now.

You reached towards towards his jeans and unbuttoned them, him raising his hips enough to where you two were able to get them kicked off.

“Need you,” you said, pulling him to you.

He nodded and began to move downwards but you stopped him.

“I just want to feel *you.”

“But…you…I haven’t done anything yet -“

“I’m fine, Ken.” You promised. “I just need to feel you, now.”

He moved back up so your hips lined up perfectly and you opened your legs for him as he dipped his member into your folds. He gasped a little at how wet you already were.

He looked confused. “How..?” He trailed off, then, “I thought I needed to make you wet.”

“You always do.”

Ken breathed in deeply. His feelings for you soared, and he felt like he might be floating a little. He rubbed his tip against your opening and you put your arms around his neck again.

“Show me how much you love me, Ken.”

That was the last confirmation he needed as he dipped his cock into you, making himself keep shallow thrusts as you got used to his size before moving slowly deeper inside of you.

His hands roamed your body, stopping every few inches to tell you how beautiful you were, how majestically you moved, how perfect your noises were. He kissed each part he could reach with hips lips for emphasis, wanting to cover you with his love, and you felt that energy wash over every piece of you that he touched.

You felt beautiful, you felt seen and held and your hands explored Ken’s body at the same time.

You tangled your fingers in the back of his hair as he began to move faster but still maintaining a much slower pace then usual, both of you completely lost in each other for what felt like an eternity.

Finally, you began to feel your climax building, but loved how tenderly Ken was fucking you, and didn’t want it to change.

“Keep going, just like that, Ken. Please.”

His hand gripped your hip as he felt you arch a little, and he knew you were close. He wanted every single thrust to matter, for you to feel what he was hoping you would feel from him. He kept the pace you asked for, only making his movement a little rougher as you eyes begin to close tightly, your hands pulling on his hair now.

“Y/n,” he coaxed. “Please keep your eyes open. I want to see you.”

You did as he asked, and you swear you’d never seen a more beautiful sight then him staring down at you, and you lost it then, the most wonderful wave traveling from your legs all the way up into your chest, warm and tingly and almost healing in how it felt.

Ken followed right after, keeping his eyes on yours as well, so tender and so content, and you held him as he collapsed on top of you, his face buried in your neck as you both panted.

Ken almost cried as he engulfed you with his arms when he heard your next words, breathy but firm.

“I love you, too, Ken.”

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[angel-gidget]

Gidge's Guide to Amethyst

I did one of these a while back, but with reeaallly low-quality images. These days, there’s more Amethyst stuff out there, and that’s worth an update in its own right.

Amy’s first appearance was technically in Legion of Super-Heroes #298 which featured a “pull-out preview comic” to entice people into picking up the maxi-series. I’ve yet to get my mitts on it to confirm if it’s just sample art from the maxi-series, or has dialogue/art never seen anywhere else. Regardless, your best starting point is probably gonna be…

I. 1980’s 12-issue Maxi-Series (+ follow-up Annual)

High jump-through-portal fantasy. Fantastic creatures, creepy villains, magical royalty, intricate world building that explains some things and lets your brain fill in the gaps for others, and consistently gorgeous art. Can’t recommend enough.

The annual shown takes place after the maxi-series and sets the stage for the ongoing series that follows.

Get it by Patron methods: Dc Universe Series Page DC’s Showcase via Amazon or Abe Books (Note: no color art for showcase, only black & white)

Get it by Peasant methods: Over here. 💎

II. 1980’s 16-issue Ongoing Series (+ follow-up Annual)

While there is a lot of fantastic stuff going on with the ongoing series, it is more of a mixed bag.

While I am forever in love with cover of issue #11, I remember turning to page 1 and wondering what the heck happened to the inside art. It’s not bad, really. It just doesn’t meet the high bar of the covers (or earlier interiors). Looking back, I realized the art was getting less detailed well before that, but my reading was all over the place as a kid bc I’d just read whatever issues I could find.

This here, at issue #12, is actually a good place to stop. By which I mean, the next 4 issues + special reek of grimdark edge-lord bs that doesn’t even make sense without reading Crisis on Infinite Earths. However, if you wish to proceed…

The final issue of the ongoing is technically a cliffhanger, and the Special grants the writers the extra pages they need to finish wrapping up their whole Lords of Order & Chaos/Dr. Fate tie-in.

After this, someone in DC editorial raised their pencil and went “Hey! What if we made the Gemworld the origin for one of our Legion of Super-Heroes villains?” And thus…

Get it by Patron methods: Dc Universe Series Page DC’s Showcase via Amazon or Abe Books (Note: no color art for showcase, only black & white) (Also note: Showcase contains both Maxi and Ongoing series)

Get it by Peasant methods: Over here. ⚔️

III. 1980’s 4-issue Mini-Series

This thing is all kinds of whack, but it is gorgeous. I get the impression that when Kieth Giffen and Mindy Newell were assigned this sucker, they just read a summary of the OG series and winged it.

Probably not, since they technically wrote those final issues of the ongoing, but that’s how it feels. Despite this, it’s grown on me like a fungus, and the mind-blowing art by Esteban Moroto is, like, 98% of the reason why.

Amethyst is always at her weirdest when Dc is trying to tie her in with the rest of the DCU. In this case, the mini is supposed to explain how a Legion of Super-Heroes villain has origins that go back to the Gemworld. Why? Idk. But if I remember correctly, it was even part of the advertising for this series.

Get it by Patron methods: … you can’t. There are no re-prints of any kind and it’s tough to track down. If ye crave this treasure, best ye look to piracy, matey.

Get it by Peasant methods: Over here. 🔮

IV. 2012’s DC Nation Amethyst Cartoon Shorts

In hindsight, these may have been made as the advent of the Sword of Sorcery series, but they really were a charming sip of water after two decades of nothin’. A cute lil’ standalone series that turns the Gemworld into a video game. Amy is then, of course, sucked into it.

Fun fact: the producer, @briannedrouhard is on tumblr, and often posts art and further ideas she had for the series.

Watch it: Full Series is officially free on Youtube. 👸🏼

IV. 2013’s Sword of Sorcery: Amethyst

This New 52 eight-issue (9 included the ‘0’ issue, oy) series got my hopes up after all those years, but I gotta admit I was a bit disappointed by the completely new supporting cast. Apart from Amy herself, none of the original characters made it into the series.

It feels likely a completely different fantasy series with an “Amethyst” label slapped on it. That said, Aaron Lopresti’s art is beautiful, and this version of Amy—Amaya—eventually joined the New 52’s Justice League Dark and picked up a bit of a cult appreciation over there.

That said, I’ve had some spoilers for her time on JLDark, and the storyline is just a bit… too… dark for my tastes. So I’m quite content to see her nu52 series retconed, even though I did nearly collect all 9 issues.

Get it by Patron methods: Dc Universe Series Page TPB via Amazon or B&N

Get it by Peasant methods: Over here. 💜

V. 2019’s Wonder Comics - Young Justice: Gemworld

Remember how I said Amethyst always gets weird when she collides with the greater DCU? Yeah, forget I said that. Never mind. Most brilliant combo idea since peanut butter and jelly.

No, I’m not biased not at all bc I’m a big Young Justice fan. Nope. Ok. Maybe a lil’ bit. While the continuity here is it’s own thing, there are a lot of nods to the original Gemworld in the world-building.

Does this series fully explore the potential of all the ideas in it? Frankly, no. YJ fans complained a lot about the lack of breathing space in this series for a reason. But I’m still happy with it and happily re-reading it for the fun ideas it slaps together.

If you are reading this for the Amethyst, however, there isn’t much point in reading past issue 6, aka volume 1 of the trade. After that point, Amy stops getting much spotlight, though she remains on the team’s roster until the series’ end.

Get it by Patron methods: Dc Universe Series Page TPB via Amazon or B&N

Get it by Peasant methods: Over here. ✨

VI. 2020’s Wonder Comics - Amethyst Miniseries

The fact that both this series and the YJ one appear under the “Wonder Comics” label is a bit misleading. They do not share any continuity at all. However, the opening splash page of the first issue references multiple events from original Amethyst continuity!

Later world-building details make it clear that this is a different version of Amy and the Gemworld, but Amy Reeder’s affection for the original series remains apparent.

Get it by Patron methods: Dc Universe Series Page TPB via Amazon or B&N

Get it by Peasant methods: Over here. 👑

VII. 2021’s Amethyst, Princess of Gemworld by Shannon & Dean Hale

This one is actually a kid-oriented graphic novel. Again, with its own continuity and world-building. I think the thing that stands out to me the most about this take is that the Hales give Amy a kid brother and make him quite relevant to the plot.

It’s pretty stand-alone and not really marketed as a comic book per se, but it is charming and the art is quite cute.

Get it by Patron methods: Graphic novel via Amazon or B&N Get it by Peasant methods: Over here.

🏰

In Summary:

“Original” Amethyst Continuity (by Dan Mishkin & Gary Cohn and later Kieth Giffen & Mindy Newell ) is contained in Volumes 1-3. This is made of up the Maxi-series, Ongoing, and Mini-series from the 80's.

New52 Sword of Sorcery Continuity (by Christy Marx) is completely separate and self-contained.

Wonder Comics: Young Justice continuity (by Brian Michael-Bendis) is separate and self-contained, but has many nods to original continuity in it.

Wonder Comics: Amethyst mini-series continuity (by Amy Reeder) is mostly separate and self-contained, but implies that it shares events with the Volume 1 maxi-series.

Kid-friendly properties like Brianne Drouhard’s DC Nation shorts or Shannon and Dean Hale’s graphic novel make for fun additions, though they were not marketed as though they might tie in with any comics.

[coal15]

Because Happy Fandom

In the interest of spreading positive vibes, I'm working on the 2nd chapter of I Never Do This so I decided to post a sample. It's Bucktommy. Explicit but also has the gushy romantic feels scattered amidst the smut. The following sample is smut-free, but if you follow the link to Ch.1 you'll find yourself tits deep in obscene material. You're welcome.

************************

Tommy grinned when Evan’s lips pressed against the nape of his neck.  “Good morning.”

“I woke up alone,” Buck pouted. “How dare you.” 

“Will a Denver omelet earn me forgiveness?” Tommy asked, swiveling sideways to reveal a cutting board and a half chopped bell pepper.

“I’m listening.”

“Light on ham, heavy on veggies, average amount of cheese. With a side of beautiful sliced tomatoes I just picked off the vine. They turned out really great this year.” Tommy smiled and mmm’d into long, gentle a good morning kiss. 

“I’m gonna get spoiled dating you, aren’t I?” Buck sighed, sounding so love-drunk he may as well have had little cartoon hearts floating around his head.

“Oh, absolutely. I try to spoil all my guests, especially the cute ones.” 

Buck gave him a quick nuzzle and stepped aside so he could get back cutting peppers. “Wanna point me to the cheese grater?” The chance to help prepping a meal in Tommy’s kitchen made him feel all giddy. ‘Kid-with-an-extra-helping-of-dessert’ giddy.

Tommy tapped his bare foot against the cabinet door behind him. “Grater's in there. And you might have to dig around a little for the cheese, I’m terrible at keeping my refrigerator organized.”

Normally the sight of veggies, condiments, leftovers and so-forth scattered around a fridge all willy-nilly would awaken Clipboard Buck with a vengeance, but this time he just shrugged and made a mental note to tackle it later. “Are these green beans from your garden?” he asked, pushing aside an overfilled bag to reveal a block of sharp cheddar. The block sat between a takeout container and a bottle of ketchup, but Buck kept his attention riveted to Denver omelets and Tommy.

“No, they’re from my neighbor Cathy down the road.”

On the counter next to the knife block were four cutting boards of descending size held upright by a cat figurine wearing a chef’s hat and apron holding a whisk. It was impossible not to notice how much the kitschy object clashed with the rest of Tommy’s decor, so Buck figured it must have sentimental value. The thought gave him a soft, warm feeling. “It took me a minute to escape your hall by the way.” He teased after selecting a cutting board and getting to work.

“Uuuugh, sorry.” Tommy cringed. “I should have thought to label the doors with post-its before you woke up, I literally do that every time I host an event. It’s the only thing I really don’t like about this house. But I’ve got major renovations planned and that nightmare is getting fixed as soon as I’ve got enough money saved up.”

"Do you wanna hire a crew or go diy?” Buck asked whilst imagining Tommy wearing a toolbelt . . . maybe taking a big sledgehammer to a wall, all covered in sweat and drywall dust and wearing beat up old work clothes with streaks and splatters of dry paint all over them from past projects. And, and maybe the jeans hang really low. Like barely perched on his hips so just the slightest nudge might–

“Woohoo!” Tommy whistled, waving a hand in front of his face.

“Oh!” Buck flinched and cleared his throat. “Hi, yeah. I’m, I’m back–did you say diy?”

"I did." Tommy chirped.

"Neat. I'm, uh, happy to help out if you want."

"I will keep that in mind."

The couple returned to their self assigned tasks, chopping, grating, and frequently sneaking glances at eachother.

Buck tried to maintain focus on grating cheese, but found himself increasingly morning-horny, which was slowing down progress more and more. The sense of arousal surprised him. He had never really been a morning sex kind of a guy–then again, he’d also never been a ‘fucks other men and likes it’ kind of guy a until recently. He supposed this was just his season of revelations. Morning horny. Okay. What to do with that energy? Huh. “Soooo . . . we’ve officially had sex in both of our beds now.”

“God Evan, you say that like there’s a bingo card!”

“There could be bingo cards.” Buck gazed sidelong at Tommy with a sly grin that seemed to broadcast certain intentions.

Let’s play.

****To read the 1st Chapter go HERE

[clemkruckinnie]

hiiii!!! the lack of opla nami fics is literally a crime, so ill make a request!!, how about a opla nami x fem reader where nami is laying her head on reader’s lap while reader feeds her pieces of tangerines, i was thinking about this the other day and it seemed so cute, anyway ty!!

saccharine- nami x reader

cw: tooth rotting fluff, allusions to smut

it’s a warm, breezy night aboard the going merry.

luffy and usopp are animatedly sharing stories with one another, both talking and gesturing so fast you can barely keep up with what they’re saying. zoro watches them, trying to figure out what in the world they’re talking about as sanji cooks dinner for all of you. you’d been assigned the role of sous chef for the night, peeling tangerines so he could make them into tarts. you’re so preoccupied with your task that it takes two calls of your name for you to respond to your girlfriend.

“where’d that head of yours take you to this time?” nami teases you gently, sitting next to you on the bench. you shrug, smiling at the softness in her tone, the kind she saved for you alone.

“was thinking about the first time i tried a fresh tangerine.” you explain. “nojiko was so surprised i’d never had one, she almost forgot how pissed off she was that we’d found her.”

nami laughs, warm and bright, and you feel your heart pound like it’s the first time you’ve ever made her laugh. “i can’t believe you went so long without having one. feels like this was all i ate as a kid.” she recounts wistfully, playing with one of the pieces of the peel you had set down. suddenly, her eyes light up, and before you can ask what she’s doing, she snatches a piece of tangerine out of your hands, popping it into her mouth.

“hey!” you laugh, nami giving you a mischievous smile and shrug of her shoulders as she finishes the piece. “sanji set these aside for the tarts tonight!”

“you know we’ll have extra!” nami shrugs. “besides, sampling the food while you make it is half the fun.”

you’re about to respond when an idea pops into your head. you move so you’re sitting cross legged, patting your lap with your free hand. “here.” you guide nami to lean down, her catching on and laying sideways so she can put her head in your lap. once she’s situated, she rubs her cheek against the skin of your thigh, the ticklish sensation making you giggle.

“i love that sound.” nami tells you earnestly. moving to look up at you. she tilts her head towards your hands, you taking it as your cue to give her another piece.

“my laugh?” you ask, placing the slice into her mouth. she nods as she chews the tangerine. to her, your laugh sounds like the wind in the sails of the ship, the chimes in the orchard she’d grown up in.

“might be my favorite sound.” she tells you earnestly. “seconded only by luffy’s snoring because of the peace it brings.”

you laugh again, looking up to 2 sets of brown eyes looking at you inquisitively.

“what’s so funny?” luffy asks, you looking down and laughing again as you make eye contact with nami.

“the lovebirds are making fun of you.” zoro tells him, smirking when nami sticks her head back up to glare at him.

“oh, nami! didn’t see you there!” luffy greets her, unphased, as he turns his attention back to usopp. the two of you break out into another bout of laughter.

“less laughing, more peel- oh, come on, now.” sanjii catches you in the midst of giving nami another piece of tangerine, throwing his towel over his shoulder, hands on his hips.

“leave it to you two to turn a task into a display of affection.” he playfully scolds you. “please tell me we still have enough for the tarts!”

“i’ve only been giving her the small pieces.” you defend yourself meekly, cradling nami’s head with one hand and grabbing another tangerine with the other.

“well, all right.” sanji directs his attention back to the vegetables he’s chopping.

“as long as there’s plenty of meat, i’m okay!” luffy chimes in.

“i’m still going to try and get a vegetable in you, i don’t care if i have to sit with you like a child-“

sanji is cut off by luffy’s exaggerated groan, the two of them starting to bicker as you direct your attention back to nami.

“they taste sweet?” you ask, nami nodding as she swallows another piece.

“can think of something sweeter, though.” nami teases you, lightly raking her nails against the side of your thigh. you look up to make sure your crewmates are still distracted before you look back down.

“after dinner, i’m all yours.” you assure her, face flushing as she smiles up at you.

“i’ll hold you to that.”

[ethicaltreatmentofcowplants]

Asylum Challenge: Day Three

(Note: From Day Four onwards, the Watcher started to use C to take screencaps - and wondered why she hadn't done so in the first place. Also the lighting has been adjusted so hopefully we'll have more and better quality 😄)

Ms. Lazy and Mr. Slob started off the day with what is likely the breakfast of champions for Sims with those traits: cold leftover pizza.

Pizza turned out to be a popular choice, with Meredith soon joining them. There's a bit of a friendship trio developing here.

Essential sustenance consumed, Lilac continued to plow through on her aspiration, completing her second emotional painting.

Surprisingly she was joined by Vlad, whose own attempt actually wasn't that bad. Really not bad at all.

Is that the victory sign, Vlad? Maybe he's been hanging out with Lux (who is a young adult for this save, but a new one) and is getting down with the kids.

Speaking of, with her LOVES OUTDOORS trait and her little furry problem, Lux has been keeping to herself for the most part - and appears to be ready to pop (off).

Taking a cue from @akitasimblr, at 12 pm each day the Watcher assigns 'guests' one skill building task each, and L. was in charge of the cooking. She is a foodie and already is at a fairly high level (between her, Raj and Meredith, no one is starving) so with that and her potions knowledge, if someone gets food poisoning then we'll know it's likely not an accident.

After watching her sample the food first she could still poison you if she applied it to the plates, ERRATIC Jacques joined in. So far L. has positive relationships with everyone other than Vlad, but time will tell.

Our favourite fanged fellow meanwhile drank from INFECTED Ted Roswell, and well. Truly the Watcher learns something new every day.

This development was rather startling for the remaining residents.

The funny thing was that Ted consented to be drunk from, so had he allowed it all along knowing that Vlad would too be heeding the call of the MOTHER? You gotta wonder, especially with that smirk on Ted's face.

As our designated protagonist, Lilac took it upon herself to rouse Vlad to his senses.

Rather disappointingly (for the Watcher, at least), it worked.

As the evening fell, Lilac continued to work on her aspiration, while Ted and Meredith bonded in the kitchen. With them having such different traits and now being played Sims, I'm not sure how their marriage will last, but for now they seem to be getting along fine.

Nighttime came, and the witching hour struck.

Who knew that being POSSESSED left you with a free Thriftea outfit? I actually quite like that jacket as a niche look, but I'm not sure if it works here.

The hills are alive with the sound of music.

[flagellant]

Would love to hear more about your rabid animal encounter!

It was in 2017 at the time and I was working out in the national forests of California. I came into work one day at my ranger's station and there was way more chaos than I expected--turns out that someone had reported a suspected rabid skunk overnight after it bit a dog in a nearby town and it'd been brought in for testing (which includes euthanasia).

I was super curious and had some free time before I needed to actually go out to do what I was assigned so I decided to watch some of the tests being done. I'd seen the vets take blood samples and such of wild animals in the station before--you use basically what amounts to a syringe at the end of a spear etc etc. But before it started getting messed with by us it still acted wrong.

First off: It was jittery and trembling. Wobbly is too cutesy a word--it was just slightly too intense to be wobbly. The wobbles were more twitchy and jerking, like it was constantly having to catch its balance, or it was constantly trying to react to every single minutiae of stimuli. It was also completely silent and utterly unafraid of any of us. This is one of the big markers of rabies: It fucks with an animal's brain to the extent that its fear receptors essentially rot away, because the virus wants the animal to come into contact with as many other animals as possible, and it can't do that if it's skittish. A nonrabid skunk SHOULD be huddled up in the farthest reach of the carrier curled up and scared out of its goddamned mind for being alien-kidnapped. This one just kinda ambled or stood wherever.

So anyway, we start taking blood samples, and by we I mean my coworkers because I am super unqualified for any medical treatment whatsoever of any animal.

The second the needle stuck into the skunk it stopped being a skunk and started being something else. It began writhing and jerking inside the carrier like it was trying to rip its own muscles and limbs apart to get away or get out, and the whole time it was shrieking and squealing so hard and constant that even outside the station it was loud. I've heard animals dying from predators before, I've heard skunks dying from predators before, they didn't scream like this one did. It screamed like it didn't know how to use its vocal chords or mouth, all it knew was pure unthinking noise.

Again, I'm sorry, but I really don't know how to describe the experience very well. The problem is that rabies doesn't make animals act like how they're supposed to. A nonrabid dog going absolutely apeshit is still going to recognizably act like a dog, just an absolutely apeshit one. A rabid dog going absolutely apeshit does NOT act the same. It acts with complete disregard and unawareness of both its surroundings and its own body. It isn't a living creature anymore, it's a breeding ground of rabies that has completely taken control over the dog and is now puppeting it around with the single purpose of spreading rabies everywhere it can. There's no fear, there's no thought, and I barely agree with calling what rabid animals experience as "aggression" because aggression in animals is a thing which fundamentally acts through motivation of stimuli and reaction. Aggression happens because the animal cares about what happens to the animal. Rabid aggression has absolutely no shits given about what happens to its host. It's awful.

[arsquare]

Hello everyone!

As I take on more projects and expand my practice, it feels prudent to write monthly newsletter posts to keep followers up to date on what projects I'm currently undertaking. So here's the update for October/November 2024!

Zines

Currently I'm participating in two zines, both of which will likely be released in November!

One is the Detective Conan Fanzine, which is dedicated to the 26 movies of the franchise. I was assigned Movie 2, and I've posted a preview below! The full illustration will be available on INPRNT after the zine releases.

The other is the Counter-Pale Resistance (@de-fanzine-cpr-pale), which is a Disco Elysium fanzine. Participants take inspiration from song lyrics to create their piece, whether it's an illustration, comic, or writing. I created an illustration of Harry and Dolores for this zine! I quite like this piece-- it will be available on INPRNT after the zine releases, and I'll also be making gold foil postcards of it. Stay tuned!

Additionally, COMPASS: A Heishin Anthology (@haidocityzines), which I did several illustrations for, has been released for free digitally! Download your copy here. There are also merch bundles remaining if you're interested.

Merchandise

I've been putting together a Kaishin merch bundle in the past several months to go with a polished print version of Breaking Stasis (link goes to the original version-- polished version will be uploaded at a later date), my 2021 Kaishin Secret Santa manga. There's going to be a bookmark, a memopad, and a postcard in addition to the book. I'm waiting for the last of the merch samples to arrive! When they do, I'll photograph them and open up pre-orders.

Remember this? The pages are now fully toned and I've fixed the illustrations that were bothering me...

Pre-orders will likely open on Friday, Nov. 8th, and will close before the end of the month. A more detailed announcement is coming in early November!

Additionally, I've added several prints to my INPRNT:

Commissions

Commissions are currently closed! However, you may contact me at any time via email at soharsquare@gmail.com or soharsquare on Discord to add your name to the waitlist. Folks on the waitlist will get priority when commissions open up again.

Upcoming Events

November 23rd: Tabling at KDF26 (Tainan, Taiwan)

December 10th: Lecture on creating fanzines and doujinshi, hosted by the NCKU Manga Club (Tainan, Taiwan)

December 14th-15th: Tabling at FFK17 (Kaohsiung, Taiwan)

This probably isn't relevant to most people here, but I figured I'd put this out there just in case!

CHORUS

CHORUS is my current comic project! It's a 16-chapter BIRDMEN fan manga, and we've just uploaded the last pages of ACT 2. If you liked my previous comics, please consider checking it out at @birdmenfanmanga! Most of my love at this time is going into this project.

A more extended newsletter on CHORUS can be found here.

Subscribe to the Monthly Newsletter Elsewhere

In times like this when social media websites are imploding for one reason or another, I think it's nice to have multiple bases of communication. Of course, monthly newsletters will always be posted on Tumblr, but you can also join my Community Discord for these updates as well. I have also set up an email subscription list.

Thank you all for the support thus far!

Love, Soh Arsquare. Oct. 27, 2024.

[INPRNT | Ko-fi | Commission info]

[notgonnaedit]

Healer's Love

Shadows of Tantiss

Summary: Six months after Eriadu, the remainder of the squad struggles to be whole as they fight for their right to be a family.

Pairing: Bad Batch x Teen!OFC (clones being good brothers/dads)

Chapter summary: Omega makes her move.

Warnings: Canon-typical violence, Phee is a good sister in law friend, mentions of past death, blood (If I miss a tag LMK)

Masterlist

Tags: @hugmekenobi @nottwonerdy777

@dreamsight73 @delicioustacocollector

@covert1ntrovert @clonethirstingisreal

Omega stood in the lab, frozen and confused. She watched as Emerie worked with the blood samples. Every clone took them, even her. Yet Nala Se had destroyed it every time.

Now, Hemlock needed Nala Se for help with the "guest" arriving, and had left Emerie in charge of the lab.

The Kaminoan's last words to Omega before departing were instructions to escape. The girl had been trying to find an opening for months. Crosshair had been less than helpful, but she wouldn't leave him behind.

The young blonde furrowed her brow and curled her lip. Her expression made it clear she was contemplating.

"Did you need something, Omega?" Emerie asked.

The girl blinked out of her mental burrow. "I..." She searched for something to answer with. "Hemlock said there's a guest arriving. Who is it?" She swung her arms innocently.

"It's best not to ask questions," Emerie answered. "See to your tasks for the day."

The wheel holding the blood samples turned, clicking as it did. Omega's earthen hues settled on the one that contained her own blood. Then they shifted to Nala Se's datapad in a terminal. If she could get that, she was home free.

"Are you feeling well?" Emerie asked.

Omega didn't answer, and the brunette's expression softened slightly.

"Forget your assignments and get some rest," she said.

Omega nodded. "Okay." That worked better than she expected. She approached the datapad slowly. She froze when she heard Emerie's voice.

"Omega, I can handle things here," she ordered. "Go. I'll check on you later." Emerie looked back to her own datapad.

Omega pursed her lips, checking over her shoulder one last time before grabbing the datapad and running out the door.

                    •°•°•°•°•°•°•

"Whoa...." 

Mox, Deke, and Stak stood in the plaza. The salty breeze tickled their noses and rustled their shaggy hair. They stood looking at the sea, watching as the sun sank into it and painted the sky in vivid hues.

"Feels like home," Deke said.

"No. This is nothing like Kamino," Stak countered.

A smile formed on Mox's lips. "It's better."

Hunter couldn't help but smile at the boys' awe. It wasn't very long ago he felt the same way. "Alright, boys," he said. "Let's get you cleaned up."

The cadets looked back at him, then down at their scruffy appearance. "I don't know if these'll survive a wash," Deke said, pulling at his threadbare shirt.

Wrecker chuckled from where he stood beside Hunter. "Don't worry, kid. People here love to help out."

"But we still have money to pay for it ourselves," Hunter added, casting a glance at the demo man. "But, yeah, the people here are very welcoming."

The five clones started to make their way down the path that led to Shep's home. Althea had opted to stay behind with the ship, muttering something about disinfecting a cut.

Hunter had wanted to ask her where she was hurt, or if she drew blood. Between the stress and the jungle stink, the tracker didn't think it was outlandish if he wasn't able to detect her blood. But he didn't. Althea was still angry at him for leaving her an Pabu. It wasn't like he wanted to leave her alone, it was that he didn't have a choice. 

Hunter had already lost Omega, he wasn't going to lose Althea too.

"Hey, now," a familiar voice said. "Where'd you pick these three up?"

Hunter snapped from his stupor to find Phee standing in front of them. Wrecker was recounting their story on the jungle planet, the boys chiming in here and there.

The liberator listened amusedly, but her expression fell slightly. Her gaze shifted from the energetic clones to the one who remained quiet. She and Hunter locked eyes.

"Why don't you four go on ahead to Shep's," Phee suggested. "Hunter and I need to have a talk."

Hunter suddenly felt as if a spotlight were on him. He wanted to run, to hide and never come out. But from the way Phee was looking at him – friendly, yet stern – he had the feeling that there was no getting out of it.

                        •°•°•°•°•°•

"Crosshair," Omega whispered, crouching outside her brother's cell.

The clone had his eyes closed, but it was clear he wasn't sleeping from his stiff posture. "What are you doing here?"

"Escaping. And you're coming with me."

Crosshair opened his eyes, and while his expression conveyed no interest, he sat up and leaned forward. "You found a weak point?"

"Not exactly," Omega admitted. "I'm kinda improvising."

Crosshair blinked in disbelief. "Is that some kind of joke?"

"I'll explain later. Just get the guards' attention," the teen ordered.

The sniper sighed. "That's not a plan."

"Just distract them," she scoffed before sneaking off to hide around the corner. She could hear his exasperation as he spoke to the TKs.

While they approached his cell, Omega snuck to the terminal and inserted the datapad. She opened the cell door, allowing Crosshair to quickly take out the guards and steal their weapons.

"Nice work," the 15 year old said, observing the unconscious troopers.

"Didn't have much choice," Crosshair grunted as he dragged the TKs into his cell.

"You're out of the cell, aren't you?" The girl countered as she closed the cell door.

Crosshair didn't argue. He just took a blaster and handed her the other before they both took off.

When they came to another door, Omega slid the datapad in and went to work.

"Well?" Crosshair said expectantly. "Start talking."

"I told you. We're escaping."

"Why now? What's changed?"

"Nala Se said I had to," Omega told him. "And I wasn't gonna leave without you. She told me to use her datapad to access the base and find a shuttle. We just need to get to a hangar."

The door opened, and they slid out into the hall, hiding behind a central terminal as two troopers passed.

"We're not supposed to be on patrol until midwatch," one griped.

"Commander's orders," said the other. "All hands on deck until the Emperor departs."

Once they passed, Crosshair turned to the girl. "The Emperor's here?"

"What?" She huffed. "I didn't know."

Crosshair sighed. "Another reason why this was not the day to wing an escape."

Omega glared up at him. "Thanks for the reminder, but I think we're past that point."

A quiet clattering grabbed her attention. She shifted her gaze to where Crosshair's right hand held the blaster. It rattled against his leg. His hand had been doing that for a couple months now, and she couldn't place why.

"Your hand's getting worse, isn't it?" She asked.

"I-It's fine," he grunted.

Omega turned back to the datapad and frowned at the information it displayed. "Uh-oh."

"What?"

"All shuttles have been grounded, except the Emperor's," she told him, grabbing the datapad. "We'll have to steal it."

"Impossible," Crosshair scoffed. "It will be too well-guarded, even for me."

The blonde racked her brain for answers. They needed a ship. Wait-! She knew where one was! "Wait," she gasped. "I know a shuttle we can use. It crash-landed outside the perimeter back when I first came here."

Crosshair stared at her in disbelief. "How does a crashed shuttle help us?"

"If the comms are still functioning, we can contact Hunter, Thea, and Wrecker," she told him.

"And how do we get outside?" He asked.

Omega smirked. "Follow me."

                       •°•°•°•°•°•

"So, how are you doing?"

Hunter blinked, confused as to what Phee meant. "...fine."

The liberator stared at him, her chocolate hues boring into his earthen ones. It was like she knew he was lying. 

"Hunter, you and I both know that's not the truth," she said.

Hunter sighed. "Well, what do you want me to say?" He was tired. He didn't have time for this, he needed to be working to get back Omega. "I'm failing, Phee."

Phee's eyes softened. She said nothing, imploring him to continue.

"Everywhere I turn it's a dead end. We went to the planet in hopes of finding Omega, but there was nothing but a destroyed base an a few abandoned kids. I'm glad we found them, don't get me wrong," he said, "but everything's going wrong and I can't do anything about it."

He groaned, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Althea keeps throwing herself into the fire and being completely reckless. She's gonna run herself into the ground."

An amused chuckled came from Phee. Hunter looked up at her, confused as to why she thought that was funny.

"I'm sorry," she said. "It's not funny at all. But she's a lot like you, y'know."

Hunter furrowed his brow. "What?"

"Everything you just described is exactly what you do," Phee said. "She even glares at people the same way."

Hunter sighed, closing his eyes. "I don't know what to do," he admitted. "She's just...angry at me all the time." He felt a hand on his shoulder. He opened his eyes and glanced down to see Phee giving him a sympathetic look.

"Hunter, you can't treat her like a little kid," she told him. "I know you want to protect her, but coming from someone who was an 18 year old girl, you have to respect her choices."

The tracker groaned an ran a hand down his face. "But what if her choices are dumb? You said it yourself: she's a lot like me."

Phee chuckled. "Then she'll learn. Trust is a two way street, if she sees that you don't trust her, then she won't trust you."

"How do I even–"

"Go talk to her," Phee folded her arms. "She lost everything too, Bandana. She probably just needs a hug."

                       •°•°•°•°•°•

As much as she missed her canine, Omega was grateful Batcher was missing. Sneaking out of her chute was hard enough, but if it had been used recently it would have been disgusting.

Word of their escape had spread. Emerie had caught them in the stables, and while she tried to cover for them, she ended up signaling security.

On the bright side, she and Crosshair had made it out. On the not-so-bright-side, it was night, and there was a large creature growling at them.

It approached, standing up on it's hind legs and growling. Then suddenly, a lurca hound barreled into it. Then another. They must have been the hounds that were supposed to come after them, the prisoners.

"Go!" Crosshair ordered.

They ran to the ship. It was in worse shape than Omega wanted it to be. Vegetation had overrun the ship and rusted it out. Six months had been rough on it.

Omega went to work, trying to activate the comms as Crosshair kept watch. She groaned and slammed her fist into the console. "It's not working! Comms are completely dead."

Sighing, she grabbed a backpack from the floor. It was filled with supplies from the previous owner, but they weren't here to use it. As Omega exited the ship, Crosshair looked up at the sky, signaling with his hands.

"They're coming," he said.

Quickly, they ducked against the ship to hide as the shuttle passed over head.

"I'm sorry," Omega whimpered. "I thought this would work."

"You got us this far," Crosshair said to her. "And we're not done yet. Did they teach you plan 72?"

"Mm-hmm. Tech had me memorize all the plans."

A sad smile graced the sniper's face. "Of course he did. Hook in and stay alert."

                       •°•°•°•°•°•

Althea let out a sigh as she bandaged the cut on her arm. It wasn't deep, but she prefer not to get an infection from the creepy wildlife on Setron. Hunter said there wasn't much information about Tantiss from data.

Even with their constant searching and scouring, they always fell 10 steps behind Hemlock. It always seemed they were missing something. Just one piece and they would find Omega. Just one piece and they could rescue her from whatever sterile hell she was trapped in.

Althea found her gaze drifting to where Tech's goggles sat on the console. He would be able to find Omega, but without him, what were they? They would never find Omega. She was gone and never coming back. Just like Tech.

Just like Tech.

Tech was gone. Althea's chest felt like a gaping whole where all the oxygen was falling in. Her brother was gone. It didn't hurt this bad with Crosshair. That was what she always told herself. But Crosshair was alive, he had been the one to warn them about the Empire.

Tech was never coming back. The familiar sound of his datapad beeping, or his quipped remarks would never be heard again. It had been 6 months, how had Althea not realized this sooner?? She grabbed Tech's goggles and held them tightly. They were cracked and the glass was missing in some places. The last thing he saw was behind these. Everything he saw was.

Pain clawed up Althea's throat, her eyes stung with unshed tears. Tech was gone, and he was never coming back. She lost another one. Another brother she failed. It was all she was good for: failing.

She failed Thao, she failed Crosshair, she failed Tech, she failed Omega, she failed Hunter. She failed them all because she wasn't good enough. It was no wonder why Hunter didn't want her on missions. She almost died from slipping up! She still had the scar. He didn't need her around, messing up while he and Wrecker were trying to find Omega.

The weight of Tech's goggles was pulling her down. She'd give anything to feel the coded taps on her hand, or hear his voice correcting her on something silly. Althea would give anything to see him again.

Footsteps sounded behind her.

Even though it was stupid and irrational, his name fell desperately from her lips as she turned. "Tech?"

Hunter stood in the door, expression unreadable as he looked at her. His eyes flitted to the goggles in her hands, then back up to her tear stained face. His mouth opened to speak, but no words came out. He just stood there, staring at her with pain in his eyes.

Althea broke down, her breaths coming in sharp gasps as tears rolled down her cheeks. She held Tech's goggles so tightly the broken glass threatened to cut open her fingers.

Hunter crossed the cabin to her in three strides, taking her in his arms. She gripped the goggles, hiding her face in his chest.

"It's okay," Hunter's words were barely audible. He held her head in one hand and rubbed her back with the other. "It's okay, I've got you."

She adjusted her grip on the goggles and felt a sharp prick in her finger. She felt the blood start to ooze out, but she couldn't bring herself to care. Hunter pulled away from her, probably smelling the blood. He looked down at her bloody finger before guiding her to the console chair. 

He took the goggles out of her hands and grabbed the small bandages, kneeling down in front of her. He cleaned the blood away before wrapping her finger. More tears formed in Althea's eyes. He should be trying to find Omega, not wasting his time on her. "I'm sorry," She choked out. "You came to work on finding Omega, not help me."

"You don't have anything to be sorry for." Hunter said gently, his gaze focused on her bandages.

"No, because if I didn't mess up so much we wouldn't be where we are." Her voice was thick and wet. "If I had just been better Tech, would still be here, a-and you wouldn't hate me, and–and..." Her voice broke with more crying.

Hunter looked up at her, brow furrowed. "You...you think I hate you?"

She nodded, wiping her hand under her nose.

Hunter exhaled, his eyes refusing to meet hers as he fumbled for something to say. "Kiddo, Tech's death wasn't your fault. It's no one's fault."

"But–"

"It's hurts like hell, I know. But he wouldn't want you to feel like this."

Althea took a few deep, shuddering breaths. "O-okay."

Hunter rested his hand on her knee, squeezing it gently. "I don't hate you, Althea. I haven't been letting you come on as many missions because..." He sighed. "Because I was scared of losing you too."

Althea watched him with watery eyes as he continued.

"I can't lose you, kiddo." His voice was thick. He looked up at her and she saw how glassy his eyes were.

A fresh wave of tears rolled down her face. From relief or pain, Althea didn't know. All she knew was she needed Hunter. She dropped down from the chair, wrapping her arms around his neck. She broke down into sobs, barely even able to breathe.

Hunter pulled her into him, cradling her like she was the most precious thing in the galaxy to him. "I've got you, baby. You're okay, I've got you."

Althea clung to him, crying into the crook of his neck. Hunter rubbed circles in her back, soothing her gently. "It's okay, baby, I've got you."

Althea's breaths shuddered. Hunter had to remind himself that she wasn't mortally wounded, at least, not physically.

"I've got you," Hunter repeated that to her as he took her in his arms and stood. She never let go. The tracker sat in the console chair, still keeping Althea in his grasp. She kept her head on his shoulder as she sat on his lap. Tears still streamed steadily down her face, but her breathing was back under control. 

"I'm sorry," She croaked. "I don't know why it's hitting me so late–"

"Hey," Hunter sat up slightly to look at her. "There's no wrong way to grieve." He took the hand that wasn't supporting her back and cupped her cheek. Althea's golden eyes gazed up at him vulnerably. Maybe it was because of the tears, but she seemed so much younger. So innocent, like she depended on him for everything. The scar on her lip quivered as she struggled to keep herself calm.

But her effort was in vain. She broke down into inconsolable sobs. Hunter held her as she cried, his own heart breaking at her pain.

"Dad," She choked out hoarsely.

Hunter froze for a split second, but his shock was overcome by affection. He leaned his head against hers, squeezing her tightly. "I'm here. I've got you, baby girl."

Hunter didn't know how long he held her for, only that at some point she cried herself to sleep. Her head rested on Hunter's shoulder. He had one hand cradling her head and the other holding her back.

He looked down at the girl in his arms. She seemed so much smaller now, more vulnerable. Every fiber in his being screamed to hold her forever, to protect her from the galaxy. But he was too late for that. He had failed to protect her from the beginning, resulting in her becoming a child soldier in a war that wasn't hers to fight. This girl, as innocent as she looked, she had killed many people. She had hardened herself against the galaxy, becoming little more than a trained killer.

Hunter knew that Phee meant well when she said Althea was just like him, but the reality of it was not something he took pleasure in. It was funny, how he told Althea that Tech's death was no one's fault when he blamed himself every day. He would do anything to put the girl at ease, even if it meant burying his own emotions.

She's a lot like you, y'know.

It was almost cruel. Hunter spoke the words he needed to hear, yet he could never apply them to himself. Maybe it was because he was the leader. He felt responsible for his team, his family. 

Hunter was drawn out of his thoughts by the sound of Althea murmuring something. Hunter gazed down at the girl, a soft smile took the place of the worried frown he so often wore. She curled in further to him, sighing softly as her body fully relaxed into his.

Hunter held her head under her short black locks, leaning it closer to press a sweet kiss to her head. "I love you, kiddo." He whispered. "More than you'll ever know."

​​                     •°•°•°•°•°•

Omega raised her blaster to the trooper, but before she could fire, a blue blur took him out. It was a lurca hound, one with a scar on her paw.

Omega couldn't believe it. "Batcher?"

The canine barked happily.

"Stay close," she ordered. 

It was all a blur. Omega took out the pilot in the working shuttle as Crosshair distracted the other troopers. She blasted at the troops with the ships guns.

Quickly, the girl opened the ramp and set the ship to autopilot. She ran to the lift, blaster ready as it lowered. Crosshair climbed into the ship, trading places as Omega blasted at them.

She ducked behind the wall and brought two fingers to her mouth, whistling. "Batcher, come!"

The lurca jumped in, staying by her side.

The ramp closed and the ship took off. Omega made her way back to the pilot's seat, taking the controls.

More ships chased after them, firing as they flew.

"They're locking onto us! I..." She grunted. "I can't shake them! Systems are failing!"

They made it to the atmosphere, when suddenly the ships eased up and stopped firing.

"Now!" Crosshair shouted.

Omega didn't hesitate and made the jump to whatever planet was next.

They had made it.

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